Periods of high stress can make us feel cuckoo or crazy

Most of us feel a little cuckoo or crazy from time to time.
Those of you who have read my new mystery novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, found out how periods of high stress can alter one’s identity.
The main character, Donald Drummond, finds out he has a biological mother he knew nothing about for 61 years. Upon receiving this knowledge he goes into deep despair. Anxiety disorders among other health issues begin to plague him.
Periods of high stress can make us feel like we’re losing it, as can being surrounded by people whose values are very different from our own.
Drummond’s father dies and the story reveals the father-son relationship was different from one another. They were estranged for many years. Drummond’s life unravels.
Losing a significant relationship and moving into a new life situation are other events that can cause us to feel off kilter. Circumstances like these recur in our lives, and they naturally affect our mental stability.
The symptoms of our state of mind can range from having no recollection of putting our car keys where we eventually find them, to wondering if we’re seeing things clearly when everyone around us seems to be in denial of what’s going on right in front of their eyes.
For most of us, the key to survival at times like these is to step back, take a deep breath, and regain our composure. Then we can decide what course of action to take.
Sometimes a time-out does the trick. We take a day off from whatever is making us feel crazy and, like magic, we feel in our right mind again.
Talking to an objective friend can also help. We begin to see what it is about the situation that destabilizes us, and we can make changes from there. At other times, if the situation is particularly sticky, we may need to seek professional help.
Meeting with someone who understands the way the human mind reacts to stress, loss, and difficulty can make us feel less alone and more supported. A therapist or a spiritual counselor can give us techniques that help bring us back to a sane state of mind so that we can affect useful changes.
They can also mirror our basic goodness, helping us to see that we are actually okay.
The main purpose of the wake-up call that feeling crazy provides is to let us know that something in our lives is out of balance.
Confirm for yourself that you are capable of creating a sane and peaceful reality for yourself. Try to remember that most people have felt, at one time or another that they are losing it. You deserve a life that helps you thrive. Try and take some steps today to help you achieve more balance and a little less crazy.
When we become overwhelmed and things are not going as planned, it is natural to hold tighter to our goals and try to force things to go our way.
In the process, we tie ourselves in knots, tensing our shoulders, jaws, and muscles throughout our bodies.
Our mind tells us that this is how to get a firmer grip on a situation that feels out of control, but as we create knots in our bodies we are blocking the flow of our energy, exhausting ourselves by exerting more effort yet accomplishing less.
At these times, though it may seem counterintuitive, our higher selves know it’s better to let go.
This may not be quite as easy as it sounds.
After the relief of our first decision to release, if we allow questions about how to get everything done to start again, the knots will be back before we know it.
So we need to be aware that this is a process to breathe through. First, we need to let go of our idea of what the perfect outcome should be, and allow that the intelligence that drives the universe knows better than we do how everything fits together for the highest good.
Then we might have to release our imagined consequences and realize that, in most cases, the worst that could happen really isn’t that bad. We may need to remember how to relax, first by taking deep breaths, then by meditating, and then perhaps seeking help from a loved one, massage therapist, or energy healer to clear the underlying knots.
We can ease our mental stress by prioritizing what we truly want to accomplish, and then delegating the rest to someone who has more enthusiasm for those things. When we relax and let life’s energy flow through our minds, bodies, spirits, and lives, we will find that we can accomplish more with less effort and feel good doing it.
We don’t have to tie ourselves in knots. Instead, we can let the ribbons of our energy unfurl to gracefully direct us through life’s abundant flow.


John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Education Association and Alabama Education Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter,net. All conversations are confidential.

An Inerview with Chris Redding

1. When did you know you wanted to be a writer?
When I enrolled at Kilgore College in 1963, I was asked what I would like to major in. I didn’t have a clue. I decided at that point I wanted to study journalism. The school had a good journalism department. While attending Kilgore, which is one of the settings in my book, The Cry of the Cuckoos, I free lanced with the Longview Morning Journal. When I saw my first byline, I was hooked and I’ve never looked back. After 40 years as a newspaper writer/editor, magazine writer/editor and book producer it’s been a rewarding career. When I was but 10 years-old, however, I wrote a short story about a dog named “Rinny.” I wish I still had the little notebook that I wrote it in.

2. How did you pick the genre you write in? The mystery genre actually picked me. I started with an historical romance novel titled, “Decoration Day.” The setting was World War Two, and the main characters were a soldier and female civilian who met in west Texas. It was based on my father and mother actually. When my mother died in 2007, the book took on a life of its own. I decided to scrap the historical romance novel for the time being and concentrate on a commercial novel which I thought would appeal to a wider audience. Some of the material gathered from “Decoration Day” seeped into “The Cry of the Cuckoos.”
3. What drew you to the subject of (The Cry of the Cuckoos)? I was toying around with titles, and I ran across a YouTube video that had the sound of the cuckoo bird in someone’s yard. I researched the cuckoo bird and found that it likes to fool other species in its race to imitate their chirping cry. The cuckoo bird is deceptive in the fact that it will fly into another nest and fool the rests that it is one of them. The Society of Southron Patriots, a radical right wing supremacist organization, became my platform in this mystery novel. The society was like the cuckoo bird in its deception. It is more than a whodunit story, but a story about a son separated from his biological mother for more than 61 years. The cuckoos in this book are more than just The Society of Southron Patriots and, beneath it all reveals the flawed personalities in our culture. The themes in the novel are deception and forgiveness. I hope I am not giving too much away (ha)!

4. What was the name of the first novel you wrote? Did you try to publish it?
Surprisingly, I wrote a novel when I was in my early 20’s. The title was, “Years the Cuckoo Claimed.” It had the same leading character – Henry Drummond. I had read “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest,” by Ken Kesey and “Siddhartha,” by Herman Hesse. I was really influenced by Hesse at the time. I was attending Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama majoring in religion and philosophy, and Hesse caught my attention in his writings. I think I did send out several query letters, but each was rejected. So, I gave up on it. I may resurrect it later.

5. Why did you pick the publisher that ultimately published your book? I had a literary agent at the time, and she suggested I look into a new company called AEG Publishing Group. They had several plans and I submitted my manuscript. They also have a group Eloquent Books, which is a Print On Demand publisher. After reading over the contract, I decided this was the best plan for me. I wanted to be in control of my own destiny instead of being controlled by big interest from a traditional publisher. It’s not exactly self-publishing, because you share 50-50 in the royalties and the printing. It’s a tough road, but in my book experience as a book producer and a sales manager with Bantam Books at one time, I felt I made the right decision. I don’t regret the decision at all. I checked with other writers using their service and they were happy with their decisions, too.
6. Describe your book
I think I will let Richard Blake of Reader Views describe my book. I think he analyzed it better than most:
"The Cry of the Cuckoos" is the story of a son separated from his biological mother for over sixty years. They were reunited for the first time after she becomes a suspect in the murder of his father. Donald Drummond, the main character, is a retired news reporter. Award-winning writer John Wayne Cargile incorporates similarities from his own life in this novel of romance, murder, and intrigue. Henry Drummond, Donald's father, was the leader of a rightwing supremacist group called the Society of Southron Patriots, whose goal was deception. It was also rumored that he had Mafia connections. After Henry's death, by arsenic poisoning, a terrorist plot aimed at killing Washington diplomats by poisoning the food at the concessions of the Super Bowl was uncovered. United Nations delegates were a target of this conspiracy. Donald and his wife Anne were recruited by the FBI to work undercover as informants to help untangle the web of deception surrounding his father's death. A fast-moving, complex plot took the couple from Alabama to Texas where they encountered another murder with surprise twists and turns along the way. Cargile carefully puts in place background details which provide interesting technical and medical information. His training in religion, psychology, and philosophy, as well as his strong interest in integral psychology and spirituality, are apparent throughout John's writing. "The Cry of the Cuckoos" becomes a platform for him to help people integrate their mind, body and Spirit into a Holistic lifestyle. Cargile's character development reflects his understanding of flawed personalities. His narrative provides a related analysis of their symptoms, motivations, and resulting actions. The strength of character of the genuine religious or spiritual person is contrasted with the lip service and lifestyle of deception in those motivated by selfishness and greed. These characters become colorful composites, expressions of idealism, reality, and deception. I was quickly drawn into the story of "The Cry of the Cuckoos" and the theme of deceit and forgiveness. Cargile's writing style is crisp, direct, and engaging. While I found this directness appealing, it may be seen as too simplistic for others. Transitions of locale or time-frame and the pacing of conflict and resolution confronted by the protagonists were well-paced, maintaining the suspense element of the story. I felt the story ended quite quickly, somewhat abruptly; however, an "afterward" wrapped up all the loose ends and gave closure to unanswered questions. The final chapters create the possibility of a sequel. "The Cry of the Cuckoos" by John Wayne Cargile will appeal to readers who enjoy mystery, intrigue, and romance. Cargile's writing is thoroughly entertaining and highly informative.
Tell me one thing about yourself that very few people know? I think I was a writer in a previous life, and I was sent here to complete what the previous writer did not finish. His name was Thomas Carlyle and he was a Scottish philosopher and writer. I was reading some of his works one night and something flew all over me about his writing. It felt to me these were words I had been flirting with for some time was my own. He was a satirical writer, historian and essayist raised by Calvinist parents during the Victorian era. He was expected to become a preacher, but while at he University of Edinburgh he lost his Christian faith. Calvinist values, however, remained with him the rest of his life.
What do you consider your strengths in terms of your writing?
Dialogue. Being a news reporter and magazine writer for years I loved to write people stories. When interviewing a person for an article I was able to ask the right questions, kind of get into their head, and was able to pull things from them no other person might know. When they began to tell their story, the dialogue flowed and essentially the story was written by me, but told by them using dialogue. You’ll see a lot of dialogue in The Cry of the Cuckoos. The characters are writing the book through dialogue.
What place that you haven’t visited would you like to go? Perth, Scotland. The sequel to my book is tentatively titled, “Mary, Mary Quite Contrary.” This is after the famous British nursery rhyme. Research shows that the innocent little nursery rhyme is not quite what people think it was. The Mary in the nursery rhyme was Mary Tudor. Her husband, one of the British Kings, wrote the little verse after she could not give him children. It actually has been interpreted by some people as a little racy. The character in my sequel appeared near the end of The Cry of the Cuckoos. Her name is Mary Kate O’Quinn. The beginning of the sequel has Mary Kate visiting Scotland with her new husband. They are on their honeymoon. You’ll also notice on most of my websites the Scottish plaid. I am actually wearing a kilt no one can see. Our family roots trace back to Perth, Scotland, and there is a little parish called Cargill in near Perth.
What is your favorite words?
Amazing Grace. When you hear this song played with bagpipes you get a sensation that is indescribable. It’s an old gospel hymn, something I grew up with. In Church, when the choir sang Amazing Grace, it gave me goose bumps. We are truly here by the Amazing Grace of God’s creation.

An Interview With Barbara Ehrentreu

If it's Thursday it must be Guest Author day. Our guest today is the award winning journalist John Wayne Cargile whose new novel The Cry of the Cuckoos is generating a great deal of discussion and excellent reviews.:)


Here is a bit about the life of this unusual author:

He holds two doctoral degrees in religion and philosophy. He is a retired journalist, and his new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, is available at Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobel, Books A Million. Publisher: Eloquent Books, New York. He writes weekly columns for two newspapers in Alabama titled, "Integral Life." John Wayne Cargile is married with three adult children, and five grandchildren.


Also, he told me his father was a big John Wayne fan and he was named after him.:) Actually that was the first question I asked him when we met.:) My own husband is a big John Wayne fan too!


Here is the interview:



1. Please tell us a little bit about your book, The Cry of the Cuckoos.
The cuckoo bird is a master of deception, fooling other species in their race to copy their chirping begging call. Donald Drummond and his wife, Anne, chase after the killer of his father, Henry Drummond, but find themselves up against a radical right wing supremacist organization called the Society of Southron Patriots and, like the cuckoo bird, deception is the Society’s mission. The couple unravels a terrorist plot aimed to kill Washington dignitaries at the Super Bowl and delegates at the United Nations. Donald, a retired news reporter, and Anne, a retired school teacher, unfold the mystery leading them on a wild chase from Alabama to Texas. And one of the many murder suspects is Donald’s biological mother, Betty Jo Duke, who he only just met after his father’s death. Donald and Anne are hired as informants by the FBI to unravel the mysterious case and they get a lot more than they bargained for.

Barbara: Wow!!! I'm sorry you ran out of books. Now I'm going to have to go and buy it immediately. What a whirlwind plot.:)


2. How did you get the idea for the plot of this book?
As a former newspaper reporter and FBI clerk, I interviewed the president of a local Neo-Confederate organization many years ago. I visited with him in his home, and I attended several of his meetings. They are right wingers, but they are not terrorists. They follow an ideology much like what you saw at the "Tea Parties" recently. Our government is not the same government intended by the framers of our Constitution. It's not an Obama thing, it's big government, which Orwell described years ago of Big Brother. Donald Drummond and his wife are retired, but with his father's death, the couple is recruited by the FBI and Homeland Security to unravel the death of his father, who is actually murdered by someone. His father was the founder of the Society of Southron Patriots, and for the first few chapters the novel is basically a whodunit with everyone pointing their fingers at one another. There are actually two storylines in the novel: 1) The murder mystery, 2) an identity crisis when Donald, the main character, learns he has a real mother living in Texas, who becomes a suspect in his father's murder. She had a motive. Learning about his real mother sends him into a state of anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Once he realizes his real identity he finds himself on the verge of suicide, and the anger and resentment from his family who have deceived him all 61 years of his life become the themes of deception and forgiveness.


Barbara: You keep talking about this mother and this is another reason I need to read your book.:)

3. When you are starting a new story which do you think of first, the characters or the plot? Why?
The characters first. I frame the characters first and once I've identified their idiosyncrasies, and place the characters in dialogue, the plot begins to evolve. In my novel, Henry Drummond is dead, but through the characters he has touched throughout his life, one can get a good idea of how much one dead man leaves behind in his wake. One reviewer notes I have a good sense of flawed characters. That can be attributed to my background in psychology, philosophy and religion.

4. You mention in your bio that you were a clerk in the FBI for a year. How did this experience help when you were writing this book?
Tremendously. When I was a junior in college I went to work as an FBI clerk in Birmingham, Alabama. The FBI agent, who recruited me as a meat clerk with A&P Tea Company, was the head agent in charge of the KKK. My one year at the Bureau was spent studying KKK files. Also, at the same time Martin Luther King, Jr, had been assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. Our office was thrown into the mix since James Earl Ray purchased the gun in Birmingham, Naturally, I got to read all the FBI reports about the assassination. I got a sense of how the FBI worked, and once thought about joining them once I graduated from college, but I was recruited as a newpaper reporter while taking a creative writing class taught by the City Editor of The Birmingham News. His thoughts were if I was with the FBI then I could be of help as a cub police reporter. I was more adept, however, at writing features about people. I love writing about other people. All of the awards I received were about people. Every person has a story to tell about themselves, and I like to pull it out of them.

5. Please share with our readers your experiences in trying to get your book published.
I have been a book producer, and worked a year as a regional sales manager for Bantam Books. I am 64 and I know how tough it is to break in with a traditional publisher, especially a new author. I had another book I wrote when I was in my 20's, and I received the usual rejection slips. My age had something to do with going with the publisher I am with now. I guess my mortality intuited it (ha). I simply don't have many years left to write what I need to write, so I found AEG Publishing Group through my agent. It's not for everyone, but I entered a joint venture contract with them where I share 50-50 in publishing and royalties. They have all the services of a traditional publisher, and if you choose you can use them for a price. I am only using one service from them and that is a great PR person who contracts with them. She has an awesome literary resume.

6. Did you need to do a lot of research for The Cry of the Cuckoos? What kinds of research did you do?
Oh, yes, lots of research. I had already written my book, Decoration Day, when the editor said it was too generic. I began to research the cuckoo bird. I found it to be exactly like that of the right wing supremacist group I describe in the book. Without giving too much away, there was a poison from China that the organization purchased on the black market. I had to research it. There was also research done in the medical field since my main character had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There's qute a bit of medical information in the novel, especially as the main character ends up in a pyschiatric ward.

7. I noticed you have been a newspaper writer for forty years. What made you decide to write a fiction novel? Has your newspaper experience helped or hindered your writing of fiction?
It's been difficult. The first thing I learned was to show not tell. That has been the most difficult. But I grew up in newspaper writing within the New Journalism style, which is the way many journalists worth their mettle write today. I guess it started with Tom Wolfe of the New York Times. Someone said he started the New Journalism with his Esquire Magazine about "The Last American Hero is Junior Johnson." It was a fascinating magazine article and journalists began to copy Wolfe's style. Journalism is akin to novel writing I've learned. If you cannot capture your audience within the first three paragraphs you've lost them for good. The same goes for novel writing. You'll notice, for those who have read an excerpt, that I leave no holds barred with my opening paragraph, using a dream scene. It's an action within an action.

8. Do you have a critique group? What are your thoughts about critique groups?
I belonged to Internet Writers Workshop for a long time. Some of you may be members, but it got to be a little much. You'd post a chapter, and, if you were lucky, someone would jump in with a critique. I wondered some time whether they were just trying to reach their numbers at IWW, or they really cared about what you were writing. I finally gave up on them. I was told by a wise ol' soul, that you can have 10 editors in a room reading your material and you will come out with 13 interpretations. It's best to have one person critique it and use what you find useful and purposeful.

9. Do you have an agent? Do you think new authors need an agent? Why?
I stumbled onto an agency, and it worked out for me. If you want to make it into big-time publishing, you'll need an agent, and it's also a must to join the Writer's Guild. If you just want to publish a book so your family and friends can call you an author, that is a totally different story. But I want my novel to sell, be read, and be popular. A reviewer likened the emotion and plotting of my novel to William Faulkner's books. I was really very flattered. If you can find an agent it will be well worth your while. You want to write, then let others more in the know do some of the sales and marketing for you. I am as aggressive in sales and marketing as I was in the writing of the book. But some people just want to write and let their publisher do all the leg work. That will not happen, believe me! You've got to market your book and take advantage of every opportunity to let people know you are out there with hundreds of thousands of other authors wanting to be recognized. These blog interviews are tremendous opportunities. Becoming a member of the Red River Writers is also beneficial in that you become part of a community of readers and writers whose sole purpose is entertainment and education.


Barbara: Yes, I agree that Red River Writers has been a big plus for both authors and bloggers who are writers. It's a great way for all kinds of writers to network. After all I write YA and have hosted authors from various genres. This is all thanks to April Robins who started it. Kudos to April!

10. Which do you enjoy writing more; your newspaper column or fiction?
I love both. My newspaper column is about living an Integral Life in Mind-Body-Spirit. I have incorporated my philosophy into the novel in certain instances, but it is not flagrantly realized. One reviewer captured my philosophy in his review. He said I was using it as my platform, but it is not a preachy sort of thing. It's just there for the taking. I also write features for the newspapers, and I love that part about as much as anything. I like writing about people.

11. The Cry of the Cuckoos deals with a murder possibly involved with a right wing fundamentalist group. a) How close to the truth are the events in the book? b) The Department of Homeland Security recently announced that we were in danger from these right wing groups and labeled them terrorist. How do you feel about this?
Well, unfortunately for my right wing supremacist group, Homeland Security would confirm their own report. Homeland Security plays a role in my novel. But in real life, some of the organizations listed as terrorists have been unkindly singled out. Veterans make up many of these right wing organizations, but their intent is not terrorism. It is an ideology. My group still thinks the South was right to go to war with the North and Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War. They are against big government, and the recent report by Homeland Security brought many of them out of the closet. There will be a lot more stirring among groups like I describe in my novel. The average citizen will begin to see this ideology and I wouldn't be surprised to see another Civil War in my lifetime. This time it will not be a North-South war, but one where the middle class finally decides they are tired of being taxed to the gills, and they will become a militant group. Right behind them will be the organizations who already have structure. More middle class people will be joining these extremist groups.


Barbara: This is a subject to which I could probably devote an entire blog. I'd love to have you come back and discuss this at a later time.:)

12. What is your writing process?
That's hard to put a finger on. I sit down with my characters and talk to them. I put them together in my mind, sometimes I'll put ideas into a special folder on my computer. If, say, one of my characters has a histrionic personality disorder, I try to find other characters in real life and in fiction who match that personality and I watch them grow into their role. One of my characters has this personality disorder, and it is what some psychiatrists say was Scarlett O'Hara's in "Gone With The Wind." I've studied her personality for quite some time, and I am thinking about writing a sequel with the main character being a Scarlett O' Hara type, but maybe with some redeeming qualities.




13. Will you be doing any book signings? Do you have a schedule for our readers?
I am doing local signings right now. My PR person is setting up a regional schedule. I have set up the local ones. A weekly newspaper is doing a full page spread on me this week. It involves an interview much like this one, a review, and a press release along with a value added incentive for those who buy my novel. I am offering an eBook valued at $9.95 of My Metaphysical Musings, newspaper columns I have written on Integral Life the past three years. It is only offered at my website, however. The publisher doesn't know I am doing this, and wouldn't care. You won't be able to get the eBook except at my website. An autograph copy of the book is only available at my website. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com Only those who come to an autograph signing will be able to get a handwritten autograph. and I will be signing books at Arts Night in Northport, Alabama on May 7th. I will also be in Homewood, Alabama on June 13th for an autograph signing. So catch a plane and come on down. You might want to watch out for Homeland Security, however, because if you were at a "Tea Party," chances are you are a terrorist (ha)!


Barbara: Well, I didn't attend any of those "Tea Parties" because my political philosophy is nowhere near that of the people you mentioned. Though I understand how they feel, they are not looking at the facts. Taxes will be going down for the middle class. I think everyone should be concentrating on the credit card companies.:)


Thank you so much for giving us a peek into your life and your writing. Now here is the special treat I mentioned earlier in the week. John is giving away the same e-Book he gives to those who buy his book to the winner of the drawing here. All you need to do to be eligible to win is to leave a question or comment here for John Wayne Cargile. This has been such a great interview I have a lot of questions myself.:)

Author Signings

I have two author signings scheduled for May and June. I will be at the offices of The Northport Gazette, Northport, Alabama for Arts Night and on June 13th I will be signing books at Little Professor Book Store in Homewood, Alabama from noon-2 p.m. The store is currently carrying my book.

The Cry of the Cuckoos Likened to William Faulkner's Writing

Reviewed by Rita Hestand (author)
Sometimes finding the truth opens up a can of worms that can't be disposed of. Retired news reporter Donald Drummond, and his retired teacher wife, Anne, begin to unravel a family mystery that leads to death and intrigue. Trying to discover his father's killers, Donald is whisked into the confidence of the FBI and faced with insurmountable truths.

Donald is forced to deal with his father's underhanded business with the Society of Southern Patriots, and an unmasking of his own identity that he must come to grips with.

After sixty one years, Donald meets his real mother. And his mother is a suspect in his father's death. His father was poisoned. However, as Donald works closely with the authorities, he unravels one bad soap opera after another, how much can one man stand to know about his heritage? And can he live with the knowing?

John Wayne Cargile takes us on a journey that starts with much intrigue and ends with bold characterization of family life sometimes better left unsaid. Even when all is well, it isn't.

What an emotional jaunt Mr. Cargile leads us on, spilling forth with page turner characters and strong plotting that keeps one on the edge of his seat to finish this book. I enjoyed it no end.

Mr. Cargile has my undying admiration for writing a book that has no holes barred. Equal in emotion and plotting to a William Faulkner book, this one is a real keeper and one you won't forget for some time! Thanks for the enjoyable read.....

There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child

It’s time to make a quick assessment of children today. It’s Spring Break for some of us this week. I celebrated my second year as a special needs school bus driver this month. The kids on the bus range in age from three to 20. Each of them have a special need but, then, all of us do.
With a 23-year-old son living back home, and a three-year-old granddaughter now living with us, it makes life interesting for my wife and me. Both of us are in our 60’s. We hold no regrets. I think it makes us younger.
I heard this from my parents when growing up and now I can appreciate what they were talking about: “I don’t understand children these days.”
The age gap has thrown me out of sync. My wife and I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s. Our parents didn’t have a lot of money, neither do we now even though what we earn in a year is a lot more than they made in four years. But they always wanted more for their children than they had growing up.
The children of the 21st century are growing up way too fast. Most kids don’t read like we did. Their music is so much different. I can’t get into some of the new music and I hear it from some of my students some times on the bus. They bring their head phones with CDs, iPods, MP3 players and although they are asked to listen only to themselves I some times can hear it in the background.
They understand computers better than us old folk, although I am getting pretty adept at using one. They’d rather see or hear things on television or view the Internet and locate their friends to Instant Message than read a good book.
Believe me; if I thought my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, had a market among young students, I would be blazing a path to their door. But reading is not like it once was. That’s why newspapers and magazines are going bankrupt everyday. Reading is now considered only for nerds. I can’t get my son to read my novel. He said he will read it one day. Blah! Blah! Blah!
I guess we are guilty of spoiling our kids too much. I know our family is guilty of it. But, how can you not?
I wanted my son to have the best: schooling, clothes, athletic gear, tennis shoes and car when he turned 16. Giving him a car at 16 was not a good move on our part. But, we wanted him to be with the ‘in crowd’. I guess I could have made him read more.
Now that our granddaughter is with us, we are doing the exact same thing – spoiling again. But, how can you not?
As parents and grandparents we are moved by instinct to love, nurture, and provide for our offspring. Because our children are so much a part of us, we want to see them blissfully happy.
Also, our own desire to be liked, materialist pressures, and a fervent wish that our children have everything we lacked as youngsters can prompt us to spoil them.
However, while it might seem that buying your child expensive gifts will give them fond memories of childhood or that you can heal your emotional wounds by doting on your sons, daughters and grandchildren, you may be unconsciously interfering with your child’s evolutional development.
One of the most precious gifts you can grant your children is the true independence they gain when they learn to earn what they covet and become stewards of their own happiness. We have done this with our son, and he is making the most of it. We are proud he is finding his way in this life.
Try allowing your children to experience life to the fullest. Let them work and earn what they want. When the time comes for them to go to college and enter the workforce, you will have the confidence that you have raised a child that can both enter and contribute to society confidently.
When children are not afforded the opportunity to explore self-reliance, to understand that with possession comes a price, and to fulfill their own needs, they develop a sense of entitlement that blinds them to the necessity of hard work and the needs of others.
We may spoil children because giving them gifts is pleasurable. Or we may want to avoid conflict out of fear that our children won’t love us.
Yet children who are given acceptance, love, and affection in abundance are often kinder, more charitable, and more responsible than those whose parents accede to their every material demand. They develop a strong sense of self that stretches beyond possessions and the approval of their peers, and as adults they understand that each individual is responsible for building the life they desire.
If you find yourself giving in to your child’s every whim, ask yourself why. You may discover that you are trying to answer for what you feel is lacking in your own life.
Rearing your children to respect the value of money and self-sufficiency as they grow from infants to young adults is a challenging but rewarding process.
It can be difficult to watch a child struggle to meet a personal goal yet wonderful to be by their side as they achieve it. Your choice not to spoil your children will bless you with more opportunities to show them understanding and compassion and to be fully present with them as they journey toward adulthood.
So, to sum it all up; every child has special needs, some more than others. I’ve come to appreciate those whose needs are greater. He is the little fellow in the wheel chair who can’t walk or talk. He/she is the autistic child we never had. He/she is the slow learner or mentally challenged.
We’re thankful for those parents who have a special needs child. If we walked in your shoes, we wouldn’t be worried about whether he/she could read or not. We’d be praying that he/she could walk or talk. You’re the true caregivers of these special needs children. You love your children just the way they are although you wish they were normal kids.
There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child, in my book.