There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child

It’s time to make a quick assessment of children today. It’s Spring Break for some of us this week. I celebrated my second year as a special needs school bus driver this month. The kids on the bus range in age from three to 20. Each of them have a special need but, then, all of us do.
With a 23-year-old son living back home, and a three-year-old granddaughter now living with us, it makes life interesting for my wife and me. Both of us are in our 60’s. We hold no regrets. I think it makes us younger.
I heard this from my parents when growing up and now I can appreciate what they were talking about: “I don’t understand children these days.”
The age gap has thrown me out of sync. My wife and I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s. Our parents didn’t have a lot of money, neither do we now even though what we earn in a year is a lot more than they made in four years. But they always wanted more for their children than they had growing up.
The children of the 21st century are growing up way too fast. Most kids don’t read like we did. Their music is so much different. I can’t get into some of the new music and I hear it from some of my students some times on the bus. They bring their head phones with CDs, iPods, MP3 players and although they are asked to listen only to themselves I some times can hear it in the background.
They understand computers better than us old folk, although I am getting pretty adept at using one. They’d rather see or hear things on television or view the Internet and locate their friends to Instant Message than read a good book.
Believe me; if I thought my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, had a market among young students, I would be blazing a path to their door. But reading is not like it once was. That’s why newspapers and magazines are going bankrupt everyday. Reading is now considered only for nerds. I can’t get my son to read my novel. He said he will read it one day. Blah! Blah! Blah!
I guess we are guilty of spoiling our kids too much. I know our family is guilty of it. But, how can you not?
I wanted my son to have the best: schooling, clothes, athletic gear, tennis shoes and car when he turned 16. Giving him a car at 16 was not a good move on our part. But, we wanted him to be with the ‘in crowd’. I guess I could have made him read more.
Now that our granddaughter is with us, we are doing the exact same thing – spoiling again. But, how can you not?
As parents and grandparents we are moved by instinct to love, nurture, and provide for our offspring. Because our children are so much a part of us, we want to see them blissfully happy.
Also, our own desire to be liked, materialist pressures, and a fervent wish that our children have everything we lacked as youngsters can prompt us to spoil them.
However, while it might seem that buying your child expensive gifts will give them fond memories of childhood or that you can heal your emotional wounds by doting on your sons, daughters and grandchildren, you may be unconsciously interfering with your child’s evolutional development.
One of the most precious gifts you can grant your children is the true independence they gain when they learn to earn what they covet and become stewards of their own happiness. We have done this with our son, and he is making the most of it. We are proud he is finding his way in this life.
Try allowing your children to experience life to the fullest. Let them work and earn what they want. When the time comes for them to go to college and enter the workforce, you will have the confidence that you have raised a child that can both enter and contribute to society confidently.
When children are not afforded the opportunity to explore self-reliance, to understand that with possession comes a price, and to fulfill their own needs, they develop a sense of entitlement that blinds them to the necessity of hard work and the needs of others.
We may spoil children because giving them gifts is pleasurable. Or we may want to avoid conflict out of fear that our children won’t love us.
Yet children who are given acceptance, love, and affection in abundance are often kinder, more charitable, and more responsible than those whose parents accede to their every material demand. They develop a strong sense of self that stretches beyond possessions and the approval of their peers, and as adults they understand that each individual is responsible for building the life they desire.
If you find yourself giving in to your child’s every whim, ask yourself why. You may discover that you are trying to answer for what you feel is lacking in your own life.
Rearing your children to respect the value of money and self-sufficiency as they grow from infants to young adults is a challenging but rewarding process.
It can be difficult to watch a child struggle to meet a personal goal yet wonderful to be by their side as they achieve it. Your choice not to spoil your children will bless you with more opportunities to show them understanding and compassion and to be fully present with them as they journey toward adulthood.
So, to sum it all up; every child has special needs, some more than others. I’ve come to appreciate those whose needs are greater. He is the little fellow in the wheel chair who can’t walk or talk. He/she is the autistic child we never had. He/she is the slow learner or mentally challenged.
We’re thankful for those parents who have a special needs child. If we walked in your shoes, we wouldn’t be worried about whether he/she could read or not. We’d be praying that he/she could walk or talk. You’re the true caregivers of these special needs children. You love your children just the way they are although you wish they were normal kids.
There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child, in my book.