I don’t know about you, but when I am shopping (which is rare) I usually migrate to an employee who has a smile on his/her face.
Ever done that?
Wouldn’t you rather ask the direction to a certain item you are looking for if the employee has a smile on their face?
Or, when you are at the checkout counter, wouldn’t you rather see the checkout person smiling? After all, they are about to take your hard-earned dollar.
When I walk through a store to my destination and meet other shoppers, I look to faces with a smile and those who make direct eye contact.
I often wish that people showed more direct eye contact, salute in some way as to offer their spirit back to your spirit. In Hindu lingo a person who says or signs off with the word namaste is saying, “I bow to the divine in you,” or “I respect that divinity in you that is also within me.” In yoga, a person may leave you by using the word namaste. What they are saying is, “The light within me acknowledges the light within you.”
We often feel that we don’t have the time or energy to extend ourselves to others with the small gestures that compose what we call common courtesy.
It sometimes seems that this kind of social awareness belongs to the past, to smaller towns and slower times. I guess that is why I like Mayberry USA so much.
Yet, when someone extends this kind of courtesy to us, we always feel touched. Like someone who lends a helping hand when you are struggling with decisions at the grocery store on what it was your wife sent you there for in the first place. Some people extend a helping hand if you ask them their advice. It makes an impression because many people just walk right by. If you ask them for advice about a certain product and find a grimace on their face, you know you didn’t ask the right person.
Even someone who simply makes the effort to look us in the eye, smiles, and greets us properly when entering a room stands out of the crowd. It seems these people carry with them the elegance and grace of another time, and we are always thankful for our contact with them.
Common courtesy is a small gesture that makes a big difference.
An essential component of common courtesy is awareness and common sense-looking outside yourself to see when someone needs help or acknowledgment.
As a courteous person, you are aware that you are walking into a room full of people or that your waiter has arrived to take your order. Then, awareness leads to action.
It is usually quite clear what needs to be done-open the door for the woman holding the baby, move your car up two feet so another person can park behind you, acknowledge your friend’s shy boyfriend with a smile and some conversation, apologize if you bump into someone.
A third component is to give courtesy freely, without expecting anything in return. People may not even take notice, much less return the kindness, but you can take heart in the fact that you are creating the kind of world you want to live in with your actions.
When you are out in the world, remember to be aware of others, lend your hand when one is needed, and give this help without an ulterior motive.
The face is a complex palette of emotions. A slight turning up of the lips and a crinkling of the eyes can signal pleasure, contentment, happiness, or satisfaction. But in all cases, a smile is more than it seems.
A smiling person is often judged as more attractive, pleasant to be around, sincere, honest, sociable, and inviting and is considered more confident and successful.
Smiling is not a learned action. Even those born blind will smile when experiencing a joyful moment. A carefree smile is a quick and easy way to tell the world that you are open to new experiences and eager to meet new people.
It is assumed that a bright smile stems from happiness, but research has also shown that genuine happiness can stem from a smile.
Even a smile called forth when you don't necessarily feel like smiling can trigger the release of endorphins, brightening your day.
The simple act of smiling can help relieve stress by relaxing your facial muscles and encouraging you to focus on happy memories. And a forced smile, which only involves the muscles of the mouth, can easily turn into a true smile, which lights up the entire face. A smile motivated by real happiness is likely to inspire someone nearby to smile, possibly because of the expression's origins in the primate grin. That grin, which some scientists believe evolved into the smile, signaled that the one grinning was a friend rather than an opponent.
In ancient China, Taoists taught the benefits of the inner smile because they believed it insured happiness, health, and longevity.
One smile can lessen the sting of a negative mood and bring on a better one. But don't be self-conscious about it.
Smiling is universal and looks great on everyone. A smile, directed inward, outward, or at nothing in particular brightens the world and is a gift to those who see it.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Education Association and Alabama Education Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter,net. All conversations are confidential.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Cry of the Cuckoos Review by Jill Hannah
I enjoyed Mr. Cargile's story "Cry of the Cuckoos." There were many threads through out the story that many people can recognize; the interrelationship of family, love, the aging process, friendship and death. Mr. Cargile has a gift with conversation that is very realistic and supports and builds to the story line. While much of the story was very realistic, there was a bit of soap opera quality about Donald meeting his natural mother, only to have her die a few days later. I have recently moved to the Tuscaloosa area and found some good parallels to the history and culture of the area in this book. I read Mr. Cargile's column in the Northort Gazette and look forward to more books from this author.
The best education is not in the halls of a university
We put a lot of value on education, especially in the United States.
I know when I graduated high school it was almost a given that I go to college. A lot of my high school classmates did not go to an advanced school of knowledge, either getting married, taking jobs or just bumming around for awhile.
We kid one another at class reunions that most of the people we graduated with were in prison, but that was not the case. Well, at least, not in one instance.
A fellow classmate burned our high school down to the ground my junior year and we were without our beloved school. We were bussed to a high school in Birmingham for a year-and-a-half while the school was rebuilt. Ours was the first graduating class in the new school auditorium.
We helped build the school back for those coming after us by going out and collecting money from people in other communities. It was a lesson for life for most of us.
I wouldn’t trade places with anyone, however, for the education received at the institutions I attended. Only later in life did I feel a need for more education. This time it was on my terms and in a field which was self-serving at the same time.
What I learned from alternative schooling was about life, God, wisdom, compassion, love, death, birth, etc. The fact that titles came with this type of learning is insignificant to me. It was the process of learning something more valuable than a university degree in journalism, business, social services or the medical field. It was more of an education in Earth Learning.
Life is the process of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence.
As we journey the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in Earth School, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life’s lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges.
There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences.
Earth School provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face.
When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way.
The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in Earth School can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed.
When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed.
Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending Earth School is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.
We are all almost always in the process of learning something new, developing an underused ability or talent, or toning down an overused one. Some of us are involved in learning how to speak up for ourselves, while others are learning how to be more considerate. In the process of becoming, we are always developing and fine tuning one or the other of our many qualities, and it is a natural part of this process that things tend to get out of balance. This may be upsetting to us, or the people around us, but we can trust that it’s a normal part of the work of self-development.
For example, we may go through a phase of needing to learn how to say no, as part of learning to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. During this time, we might say no to just about everything, as a way of practicing and exploring this ability.
Like a child who learns a new word, we want to try out this new avenue of expression and empowerment as much as we can because it is new and exciting for us and we want to explore it fully. In this way, we are mastering a new skill, and eventually, as we integrate it into our overall identity, it will resume its position as one part of our balanced life.
In this process, we are overcompensating for a quality that was suppressed in our life, and the swinging of the pendulum from under-use to overuse serves to bring that quality into balance.
Understanding what’s happening is a useful tool that helps us to be patient with the process. In the end, the pendulum settles comfortably in the center, restoring balance inside and out.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Education Association and Alabama Education Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter,net. All conversations are confidential.
I know when I graduated high school it was almost a given that I go to college. A lot of my high school classmates did not go to an advanced school of knowledge, either getting married, taking jobs or just bumming around for awhile.
We kid one another at class reunions that most of the people we graduated with were in prison, but that was not the case. Well, at least, not in one instance.
A fellow classmate burned our high school down to the ground my junior year and we were without our beloved school. We were bussed to a high school in Birmingham for a year-and-a-half while the school was rebuilt. Ours was the first graduating class in the new school auditorium.
We helped build the school back for those coming after us by going out and collecting money from people in other communities. It was a lesson for life for most of us.
I wouldn’t trade places with anyone, however, for the education received at the institutions I attended. Only later in life did I feel a need for more education. This time it was on my terms and in a field which was self-serving at the same time.
What I learned from alternative schooling was about life, God, wisdom, compassion, love, death, birth, etc. The fact that titles came with this type of learning is insignificant to me. It was the process of learning something more valuable than a university degree in journalism, business, social services or the medical field. It was more of an education in Earth Learning.
Life is the process of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence.
As we journey the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in Earth School, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life’s lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges.
There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences.
Earth School provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face.
When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way.
The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in Earth School can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed.
When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed.
Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending Earth School is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.
We are all almost always in the process of learning something new, developing an underused ability or talent, or toning down an overused one. Some of us are involved in learning how to speak up for ourselves, while others are learning how to be more considerate. In the process of becoming, we are always developing and fine tuning one or the other of our many qualities, and it is a natural part of this process that things tend to get out of balance. This may be upsetting to us, or the people around us, but we can trust that it’s a normal part of the work of self-development.
For example, we may go through a phase of needing to learn how to say no, as part of learning to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. During this time, we might say no to just about everything, as a way of practicing and exploring this ability.
Like a child who learns a new word, we want to try out this new avenue of expression and empowerment as much as we can because it is new and exciting for us and we want to explore it fully. In this way, we are mastering a new skill, and eventually, as we integrate it into our overall identity, it will resume its position as one part of our balanced life.
In this process, we are overcompensating for a quality that was suppressed in our life, and the swinging of the pendulum from under-use to overuse serves to bring that quality into balance.
Understanding what’s happening is a useful tool that helps us to be patient with the process. In the end, the pendulum settles comfortably in the center, restoring balance inside and out.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Education Association and Alabama Education Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter,net. All conversations are confidential.
Monday, May 18, 2009
A reader comment about The Cry of the Cuckoos
Jill D. Hannah said: May 17th, 2009 7:05 pm
I finished the book yesterday and would love to get some extra background. How much of the book and the societies are real? Obviously the places are and the more famous personalities. Your characters were very believeable and the plot was riveting. There were alot of twists and turns that kept the reader guessing all the way through. Great first novel, I'll be interested in reading more of your work.
I finished the book yesterday and would love to get some extra background. How much of the book and the societies are real? Obviously the places are and the more famous personalities. Your characters were very believeable and the plot was riveting. There were alot of twists and turns that kept the reader guessing all the way through. Great first novel, I'll be interested in reading more of your work.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The positive and negative side of control
We all know what it’s like to want to be in control. Everyone knows a control freak. Maybe you are one.
In some ways, exerting control is an important survival skill. For example, we have every right to be in control of our own bodies and our own lives. Taking control in these cases is empowering and necessary.
Controlling behavior in the negative sense comes from a tendency to reach beyond our own boundaries and into the lives of others. Many people do this with the rationalization that they are helping. This can happen with parents who are still trying to force their grown children into behaving in ways that they find acceptable.
Our son left home, got married, divorced and now lives back home with us. As parents we expect him to behave in ways we find acceptable.
But trying to control a grown man almost 24 is about like a plumber trying to fix an electrical problem. It just doesn’t work because he has his own set rules of behavior and the generation gap is too great.
He’s a hard worker and we hope he saves money so he can move out on his own again and be able to get on with the life processes. He hasn’t saved a dime that we know of, unless he has some stash kept that we don’t know about.
Control. Yuk…It’s impossible.
It can also happen when people try to control their partners’ behavior. If you have control issues, you will see that in one or more areas of your life, you feel the need to interfere with what is happening rather than just allowing events to unfold.
I sent my wife out on a spending expedition. Our 18-year-old TV blew up. I knew she would find the exact TV for us. She came home with one of the most expensive TV’s on the market.
Next, we had to have a stand. She went back out again and bought the most ornate and expensive stand. “It matches our den furniture.” And, I agreed. So now we have a great looking 52-inch plasma with high definition and a stand to match the décor of our den.
But, I want in on the decorating, I told myself.
I found this unique “Gone With the Wind,” white cuckoo clock, a collector’s item online. I showed her a picture of it and she stomped off and told me that wasn’t what she had in mind. It didn’t match our furniture. The clock has a picture of Scarlett on the lawn with Tara in the background and a figurine of Rhett carrying Scarlett up the stairs at Tara.
I told her it was a collector’s item, but that was no consolation.
“It’s white and matches your curio of white angels’ caricatures,” I reminded her. “I’ve already picked out the clock,” she scorned. It was too bad because I had already purchased it.
Who’s in control here!
I guess I should have let the events unfold, but I interfered. I guess I should leave decorating to someone more knowledgeable.
But, the cuckoo clock came while she was out of town visiting our daughter, and I assembled it and placed it on the wall between our fabulous TV and ornate stand and her white angel curio in the corner. Can’t wait for her to see it when she returns. Or, maybe I should just return it, huh? I happen to like it.
Almost everyone has at least one situation or relationship in which they try to exert control. This often happens because someone’s behavior makes us uncomfortable. We may feel it makes us look bad, or it embarrasses us.
Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what you want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives. If you are the one that is controlling, it’s probably because you literally feel as if you are out of control and it scares you.
Try to pick one thing you could just let unfold without any control on your part. Examine how it made you feel both before and after, and examine why you wanted to control the situation.
It is hard sometimes to allow others to be who they are, especially if we feel we know what’s best for them and we see them making choices we wouldn’t make.
For instance, we had a student on our special needs school bus bring a can of hair spray with him to school. I noticed it when he pulled it from his jacket pocket. I wondered what he was doing with it; knowing he could be in trouble.
Not only did he bring the can of hair spray on the bus but a cigarette lighter to boot. We all know that the stuff hair spray is made of doesn’t mix with fire, and when he lit the cigarette lighter and I saw it, I immediately stopped the bus. After all, I am in control of what goes on inside the bus.
Needless to say, the boy got into big time trouble when he got to school as administrators began questioning him about his intentions. He was suspended. That type of control comes with the territory when we see bad choices taking place.
However, if we are to be respectful and truly loving, we have to let people go, trusting that they will find their own way in their own time and understanding that it is their life to live.
But, when a dangerous situation exists where other people can be hurt, injured or killed, that’s when you need to exert control.
There is positive control and negative control.
Just reminding yourself that the only life you have to live is your own is the first step to letting go.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
In some ways, exerting control is an important survival skill. For example, we have every right to be in control of our own bodies and our own lives. Taking control in these cases is empowering and necessary.
Controlling behavior in the negative sense comes from a tendency to reach beyond our own boundaries and into the lives of others. Many people do this with the rationalization that they are helping. This can happen with parents who are still trying to force their grown children into behaving in ways that they find acceptable.
Our son left home, got married, divorced and now lives back home with us. As parents we expect him to behave in ways we find acceptable.
But trying to control a grown man almost 24 is about like a plumber trying to fix an electrical problem. It just doesn’t work because he has his own set rules of behavior and the generation gap is too great.
He’s a hard worker and we hope he saves money so he can move out on his own again and be able to get on with the life processes. He hasn’t saved a dime that we know of, unless he has some stash kept that we don’t know about.
Control. Yuk…It’s impossible.
It can also happen when people try to control their partners’ behavior. If you have control issues, you will see that in one or more areas of your life, you feel the need to interfere with what is happening rather than just allowing events to unfold.
I sent my wife out on a spending expedition. Our 18-year-old TV blew up. I knew she would find the exact TV for us. She came home with one of the most expensive TV’s on the market.
Next, we had to have a stand. She went back out again and bought the most ornate and expensive stand. “It matches our den furniture.” And, I agreed. So now we have a great looking 52-inch plasma with high definition and a stand to match the décor of our den.
But, I want in on the decorating, I told myself.
I found this unique “Gone With the Wind,” white cuckoo clock, a collector’s item online. I showed her a picture of it and she stomped off and told me that wasn’t what she had in mind. It didn’t match our furniture. The clock has a picture of Scarlett on the lawn with Tara in the background and a figurine of Rhett carrying Scarlett up the stairs at Tara.
I told her it was a collector’s item, but that was no consolation.
“It’s white and matches your curio of white angels’ caricatures,” I reminded her. “I’ve already picked out the clock,” she scorned. It was too bad because I had already purchased it.
Who’s in control here!
I guess I should have let the events unfold, but I interfered. I guess I should leave decorating to someone more knowledgeable.
But, the cuckoo clock came while she was out of town visiting our daughter, and I assembled it and placed it on the wall between our fabulous TV and ornate stand and her white angel curio in the corner. Can’t wait for her to see it when she returns. Or, maybe I should just return it, huh? I happen to like it.
Almost everyone has at least one situation or relationship in which they try to exert control. This often happens because someone’s behavior makes us uncomfortable. We may feel it makes us look bad, or it embarrasses us.
Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what you want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives. If you are the one that is controlling, it’s probably because you literally feel as if you are out of control and it scares you.
Try to pick one thing you could just let unfold without any control on your part. Examine how it made you feel both before and after, and examine why you wanted to control the situation.
It is hard sometimes to allow others to be who they are, especially if we feel we know what’s best for them and we see them making choices we wouldn’t make.
For instance, we had a student on our special needs school bus bring a can of hair spray with him to school. I noticed it when he pulled it from his jacket pocket. I wondered what he was doing with it; knowing he could be in trouble.
Not only did he bring the can of hair spray on the bus but a cigarette lighter to boot. We all know that the stuff hair spray is made of doesn’t mix with fire, and when he lit the cigarette lighter and I saw it, I immediately stopped the bus. After all, I am in control of what goes on inside the bus.
Needless to say, the boy got into big time trouble when he got to school as administrators began questioning him about his intentions. He was suspended. That type of control comes with the territory when we see bad choices taking place.
However, if we are to be respectful and truly loving, we have to let people go, trusting that they will find their own way in their own time and understanding that it is their life to live.
But, when a dangerous situation exists where other people can be hurt, injured or killed, that’s when you need to exert control.
There is positive control and negative control.
Just reminding yourself that the only life you have to live is your own is the first step to letting go.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
An Interview By Karina Fabian
Interview with Author
1) Why did I write the book? My late mother, whom the book is dedicated to, and I were working on a historical fiction novel involving her and my father. She gave up custody of me when I was 1 1/2 years old. My father raised me. I saw her only in the summers. After she died, I felt compelled to write a mystery novel. The similarities in my novel somewhat characterize part of the book's mystery. It was not meant to be a mystery until after she died.
2) What was my favorite part? The main character in the book finally unites with his mother for the first time. She is a suspect in his father's murder. This is 61 years later when they meet one another. The first eye-to-eye meeting between the two was awesome.
3) What was the hardest part to write? My father was nothing like the one in the book. He was the exact opposite. It was actually hard because it felt like I was writing about my father and lying about him. I could go into that a little deeper in an lengthy interview, but you would have to read the book first.
4) What do you hope people will get from this? The theme of the book is deceit and foregiveness. No matter what someone else has done to you, you have to be able to forgive, turn the other cheek.
5) What is next for me? I am writing a sequel. The main character is wealthy, getting over a brain stroke. He becomes a New Age writer. The main character will follow his son and new daughter-in-law as they journey into a flawed relationship. His daughter-in-law is actually a half-cousin and the couple have a retarded son. It puts pressure on their marriage, but father is there, and Father Knows Best.
1) Why did I write the book? My late mother, whom the book is dedicated to, and I were working on a historical fiction novel involving her and my father. She gave up custody of me when I was 1 1/2 years old. My father raised me. I saw her only in the summers. After she died, I felt compelled to write a mystery novel. The similarities in my novel somewhat characterize part of the book's mystery. It was not meant to be a mystery until after she died.
2) What was my favorite part? The main character in the book finally unites with his mother for the first time. She is a suspect in his father's murder. This is 61 years later when they meet one another. The first eye-to-eye meeting between the two was awesome.
3) What was the hardest part to write? My father was nothing like the one in the book. He was the exact opposite. It was actually hard because it felt like I was writing about my father and lying about him. I could go into that a little deeper in an lengthy interview, but you would have to read the book first.
4) What do you hope people will get from this? The theme of the book is deceit and foregiveness. No matter what someone else has done to you, you have to be able to forgive, turn the other cheek.
5) What is next for me? I am writing a sequel. The main character is wealthy, getting over a brain stroke. He becomes a New Age writer. The main character will follow his son and new daughter-in-law as they journey into a flawed relationship. His daughter-in-law is actually a half-cousin and the couple have a retarded son. It puts pressure on their marriage, but father is there, and Father Knows Best.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
We must be more conscious of the language we use
There are many troubling phrases in our language that we use without considering their full meaning simply because they have been accepted into common knowledge.
Just the other day a young boy who rides our special needs school bus with some “mentally challenged” students aboard used the word “retard” when talking with another student. I quickly admonished him from using the word “retard.” It no longer is a word parents, teachers and kids want to hear these days.
Although Forrest Gump, the character created by Alabama author, Winston Groom, was never called a “retard” on the school bus or when he grew older, people could not bring themselves to call him “mentally challenged.” Most people, including Sergeant Dan thought of Forrest as a “retard.”
Even as our ideals progress, our language maintains some phrases from our past that no longer serve us, for example: Boys don't cry; good child; boys will be boys; problem child; illegitimate child; and many more. While these phrases may be used without harmful intent, they are inherently negative.
Children can be especially sensitive to such phrases, which may stay with them their whole lives, adversely affecting their self-image and wounding their self-esteem. We can create positive change by choosing not to use these words and phrases as we come across them in our vocabulary.
It is challenging to examine our habits in terms of the words we use to express ourselves, but it is also exciting.
Language is an area where we can exercise our free will, creating positive change in the world around us by simply choosing carefully the words we use. It may seem like a small thing, but our words have a rippling effect, like a stone thrown in a pond.
People naturally pick up on the way other people speak, consciously or unconsciously changing the way they speak in response.
We don't need to actively try to influence people; it happens without our even thinking about it. All we have to do is choose to be more conscious ourselves, putting to rest words and phrases that are outmoded, insensitive, or harmful. We can also exercise our creativity by creating new phrases that carry positive and loving energy to replace the old ones.
You may already have some ideas about phrases you'd like to transition out of your language, and now that you're thinking about it you may come across many more. As you consciously decide not to use these phrases, you may feel lighter and more joyful, knowing that you have chosen to drop baggage that was handed down to you from a less conscious time. As you do so, you elevate the language for future generations who would no doubt thank you if they could.
Words carry energy and this gives language its power and its potential to heal or hurt. Most of us can remember a time that someone sent a word our way, and it stuck with us. It may have been the first time we received a truly accurate compliment, or the time a friend or sibling called us a name, but either way it stuck. This experience reminds us that what we say has weight and power and that being conscious means being aware of how we use words.
The more conscious we become, the more we deepen our relationship to the words we use so that we speak from a place of actually feeling what we are saying. We begin to recognize that words are not abstract, disconnected entities used only to convey meaning; they are powerful transmitters of feeling.
For the next few days, you might want to practice noticing how the words you say and hear affect your body and your emotional state. Notice how the different communication styles of the people in your life make you feel. Also, watch closely to see how your own words come out and what affect they have on the people around you.
You may notice that when we speak quickly, without thinking, or rush to get our ideas across, our words don't carry the same power as when we speak slowly and confidently, allowing those receiving our words time and space to take them in.
When we carefully listen to others before we speak, our words have more integrity, and when we take time to center ourselves before speaking, we truly begin to harness the power of speech. Then our words can be intelligent messengers of healing and light, transmitting deep and positive feelings to those who receive them.
The word failure puts forward a very simplistic way of thinking that allows for only two possibilities: failure or success. Few things in the universe are black and white, yet much of our language reads as if they are.
The word failure signifies a paradigm in which all subtlety is lost. When we regard something we have done, or ourselves, as a failure, we lose our ability to see the truth, which is no doubt considerably more complex. In addition, we hurt ourselves. All you have to do is speak or read the word failure and see how it makes you feel.
Next time you feel like a failure or fear failure, know that you are under the influence of an outmoded way of perceiving the world. When the word failure comes up, it's a call for us to apply a more enlightened consciousness to the matter at hand.
When you are consciously aware of the word and its baggage you will not fall victim to its darkness. In your own use of language, you may choose to stop using the word failure altogether. This might encourage you to articulate more clearly the truth of the situation, opening your mind to subtleties and possibilities the word failure would never have allowed.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
Just the other day a young boy who rides our special needs school bus with some “mentally challenged” students aboard used the word “retard” when talking with another student. I quickly admonished him from using the word “retard.” It no longer is a word parents, teachers and kids want to hear these days.
Although Forrest Gump, the character created by Alabama author, Winston Groom, was never called a “retard” on the school bus or when he grew older, people could not bring themselves to call him “mentally challenged.” Most people, including Sergeant Dan thought of Forrest as a “retard.”
Even as our ideals progress, our language maintains some phrases from our past that no longer serve us, for example: Boys don't cry; good child; boys will be boys; problem child; illegitimate child; and many more. While these phrases may be used without harmful intent, they are inherently negative.
Children can be especially sensitive to such phrases, which may stay with them their whole lives, adversely affecting their self-image and wounding their self-esteem. We can create positive change by choosing not to use these words and phrases as we come across them in our vocabulary.
It is challenging to examine our habits in terms of the words we use to express ourselves, but it is also exciting.
Language is an area where we can exercise our free will, creating positive change in the world around us by simply choosing carefully the words we use. It may seem like a small thing, but our words have a rippling effect, like a stone thrown in a pond.
People naturally pick up on the way other people speak, consciously or unconsciously changing the way they speak in response.
We don't need to actively try to influence people; it happens without our even thinking about it. All we have to do is choose to be more conscious ourselves, putting to rest words and phrases that are outmoded, insensitive, or harmful. We can also exercise our creativity by creating new phrases that carry positive and loving energy to replace the old ones.
You may already have some ideas about phrases you'd like to transition out of your language, and now that you're thinking about it you may come across many more. As you consciously decide not to use these phrases, you may feel lighter and more joyful, knowing that you have chosen to drop baggage that was handed down to you from a less conscious time. As you do so, you elevate the language for future generations who would no doubt thank you if they could.
Words carry energy and this gives language its power and its potential to heal or hurt. Most of us can remember a time that someone sent a word our way, and it stuck with us. It may have been the first time we received a truly accurate compliment, or the time a friend or sibling called us a name, but either way it stuck. This experience reminds us that what we say has weight and power and that being conscious means being aware of how we use words.
The more conscious we become, the more we deepen our relationship to the words we use so that we speak from a place of actually feeling what we are saying. We begin to recognize that words are not abstract, disconnected entities used only to convey meaning; they are powerful transmitters of feeling.
For the next few days, you might want to practice noticing how the words you say and hear affect your body and your emotional state. Notice how the different communication styles of the people in your life make you feel. Also, watch closely to see how your own words come out and what affect they have on the people around you.
You may notice that when we speak quickly, without thinking, or rush to get our ideas across, our words don't carry the same power as when we speak slowly and confidently, allowing those receiving our words time and space to take them in.
When we carefully listen to others before we speak, our words have more integrity, and when we take time to center ourselves before speaking, we truly begin to harness the power of speech. Then our words can be intelligent messengers of healing and light, transmitting deep and positive feelings to those who receive them.
The word failure puts forward a very simplistic way of thinking that allows for only two possibilities: failure or success. Few things in the universe are black and white, yet much of our language reads as if they are.
The word failure signifies a paradigm in which all subtlety is lost. When we regard something we have done, or ourselves, as a failure, we lose our ability to see the truth, which is no doubt considerably more complex. In addition, we hurt ourselves. All you have to do is speak or read the word failure and see how it makes you feel.
Next time you feel like a failure or fear failure, know that you are under the influence of an outmoded way of perceiving the world. When the word failure comes up, it's a call for us to apply a more enlightened consciousness to the matter at hand.
When you are consciously aware of the word and its baggage you will not fall victim to its darkness. In your own use of language, you may choose to stop using the word failure altogether. This might encourage you to articulate more clearly the truth of the situation, opening your mind to subtleties and possibilities the word failure would never have allowed.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
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