If it's Thursday it must be Guest Author day. Our guest today is the award winning journalist John Wayne Cargile whose new novel The Cry of the Cuckoos is generating a great deal of discussion and excellent reviews.:)
Here is a bit about the life of this unusual author:
He holds two doctoral degrees in religion and philosophy. He is a retired journalist, and his new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, is available at Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobel, Books A Million. Publisher: Eloquent Books, New York. He writes weekly columns for two newspapers in Alabama titled, "Integral Life." John Wayne Cargile is married with three adult children, and five grandchildren.
Also, he told me his father was a big John Wayne fan and he was named after him.:) Actually that was the first question I asked him when we met.:) My own husband is a big John Wayne fan too!
Here is the interview:
1. Please tell us a little bit about your book, The Cry of the Cuckoos.
The cuckoo bird is a master of deception, fooling other species in their race to copy their chirping begging call. Donald Drummond and his wife, Anne, chase after the killer of his father, Henry Drummond, but find themselves up against a radical right wing supremacist organization called the Society of Southron Patriots and, like the cuckoo bird, deception is the Society’s mission. The couple unravels a terrorist plot aimed to kill Washington dignitaries at the Super Bowl and delegates at the United Nations. Donald, a retired news reporter, and Anne, a retired school teacher, unfold the mystery leading them on a wild chase from Alabama to Texas. And one of the many murder suspects is Donald’s biological mother, Betty Jo Duke, who he only just met after his father’s death. Donald and Anne are hired as informants by the FBI to unravel the mysterious case and they get a lot more than they bargained for.
Barbara: Wow!!! I'm sorry you ran out of books. Now I'm going to have to go and buy it immediately. What a whirlwind plot.:)
2. How did you get the idea for the plot of this book?
As a former newspaper reporter and FBI clerk, I interviewed the president of a local Neo-Confederate organization many years ago. I visited with him in his home, and I attended several of his meetings. They are right wingers, but they are not terrorists. They follow an ideology much like what you saw at the "Tea Parties" recently. Our government is not the same government intended by the framers of our Constitution. It's not an Obama thing, it's big government, which Orwell described years ago of Big Brother. Donald Drummond and his wife are retired, but with his father's death, the couple is recruited by the FBI and Homeland Security to unravel the death of his father, who is actually murdered by someone. His father was the founder of the Society of Southron Patriots, and for the first few chapters the novel is basically a whodunit with everyone pointing their fingers at one another. There are actually two storylines in the novel: 1) The murder mystery, 2) an identity crisis when Donald, the main character, learns he has a real mother living in Texas, who becomes a suspect in his father's murder. She had a motive. Learning about his real mother sends him into a state of anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Once he realizes his real identity he finds himself on the verge of suicide, and the anger and resentment from his family who have deceived him all 61 years of his life become the themes of deception and forgiveness.
Barbara: You keep talking about this mother and this is another reason I need to read your book.:)
3. When you are starting a new story which do you think of first, the characters or the plot? Why?
The characters first. I frame the characters first and once I've identified their idiosyncrasies, and place the characters in dialogue, the plot begins to evolve. In my novel, Henry Drummond is dead, but through the characters he has touched throughout his life, one can get a good idea of how much one dead man leaves behind in his wake. One reviewer notes I have a good sense of flawed characters. That can be attributed to my background in psychology, philosophy and religion.
4. You mention in your bio that you were a clerk in the FBI for a year. How did this experience help when you were writing this book?
Tremendously. When I was a junior in college I went to work as an FBI clerk in Birmingham, Alabama. The FBI agent, who recruited me as a meat clerk with A&P Tea Company, was the head agent in charge of the KKK. My one year at the Bureau was spent studying KKK files. Also, at the same time Martin Luther King, Jr, had been assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. Our office was thrown into the mix since James Earl Ray purchased the gun in Birmingham, Naturally, I got to read all the FBI reports about the assassination. I got a sense of how the FBI worked, and once thought about joining them once I graduated from college, but I was recruited as a newpaper reporter while taking a creative writing class taught by the City Editor of The Birmingham News. His thoughts were if I was with the FBI then I could be of help as a cub police reporter. I was more adept, however, at writing features about people. I love writing about other people. All of the awards I received were about people. Every person has a story to tell about themselves, and I like to pull it out of them.
5. Please share with our readers your experiences in trying to get your book published.
I have been a book producer, and worked a year as a regional sales manager for Bantam Books. I am 64 and I know how tough it is to break in with a traditional publisher, especially a new author. I had another book I wrote when I was in my 20's, and I received the usual rejection slips. My age had something to do with going with the publisher I am with now. I guess my mortality intuited it (ha). I simply don't have many years left to write what I need to write, so I found AEG Publishing Group through my agent. It's not for everyone, but I entered a joint venture contract with them where I share 50-50 in publishing and royalties. They have all the services of a traditional publisher, and if you choose you can use them for a price. I am only using one service from them and that is a great PR person who contracts with them. She has an awesome literary resume.
6. Did you need to do a lot of research for The Cry of the Cuckoos? What kinds of research did you do?
Oh, yes, lots of research. I had already written my book, Decoration Day, when the editor said it was too generic. I began to research the cuckoo bird. I found it to be exactly like that of the right wing supremacist group I describe in the book. Without giving too much away, there was a poison from China that the organization purchased on the black market. I had to research it. There was also research done in the medical field since my main character had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There's qute a bit of medical information in the novel, especially as the main character ends up in a pyschiatric ward.
7. I noticed you have been a newspaper writer for forty years. What made you decide to write a fiction novel? Has your newspaper experience helped or hindered your writing of fiction?
It's been difficult. The first thing I learned was to show not tell. That has been the most difficult. But I grew up in newspaper writing within the New Journalism style, which is the way many journalists worth their mettle write today. I guess it started with Tom Wolfe of the New York Times. Someone said he started the New Journalism with his Esquire Magazine about "The Last American Hero is Junior Johnson." It was a fascinating magazine article and journalists began to copy Wolfe's style. Journalism is akin to novel writing I've learned. If you cannot capture your audience within the first three paragraphs you've lost them for good. The same goes for novel writing. You'll notice, for those who have read an excerpt, that I leave no holds barred with my opening paragraph, using a dream scene. It's an action within an action.
8. Do you have a critique group? What are your thoughts about critique groups?
I belonged to Internet Writers Workshop for a long time. Some of you may be members, but it got to be a little much. You'd post a chapter, and, if you were lucky, someone would jump in with a critique. I wondered some time whether they were just trying to reach their numbers at IWW, or they really cared about what you were writing. I finally gave up on them. I was told by a wise ol' soul, that you can have 10 editors in a room reading your material and you will come out with 13 interpretations. It's best to have one person critique it and use what you find useful and purposeful.
9. Do you have an agent? Do you think new authors need an agent? Why?
I stumbled onto an agency, and it worked out for me. If you want to make it into big-time publishing, you'll need an agent, and it's also a must to join the Writer's Guild. If you just want to publish a book so your family and friends can call you an author, that is a totally different story. But I want my novel to sell, be read, and be popular. A reviewer likened the emotion and plotting of my novel to William Faulkner's books. I was really very flattered. If you can find an agent it will be well worth your while. You want to write, then let others more in the know do some of the sales and marketing for you. I am as aggressive in sales and marketing as I was in the writing of the book. But some people just want to write and let their publisher do all the leg work. That will not happen, believe me! You've got to market your book and take advantage of every opportunity to let people know you are out there with hundreds of thousands of other authors wanting to be recognized. These blog interviews are tremendous opportunities. Becoming a member of the Red River Writers is also beneficial in that you become part of a community of readers and writers whose sole purpose is entertainment and education.
Barbara: Yes, I agree that Red River Writers has been a big plus for both authors and bloggers who are writers. It's a great way for all kinds of writers to network. After all I write YA and have hosted authors from various genres. This is all thanks to April Robins who started it. Kudos to April!
10. Which do you enjoy writing more; your newspaper column or fiction?
I love both. My newspaper column is about living an Integral Life in Mind-Body-Spirit. I have incorporated my philosophy into the novel in certain instances, but it is not flagrantly realized. One reviewer captured my philosophy in his review. He said I was using it as my platform, but it is not a preachy sort of thing. It's just there for the taking. I also write features for the newspapers, and I love that part about as much as anything. I like writing about people.
11. The Cry of the Cuckoos deals with a murder possibly involved with a right wing fundamentalist group. a) How close to the truth are the events in the book? b) The Department of Homeland Security recently announced that we were in danger from these right wing groups and labeled them terrorist. How do you feel about this?
Well, unfortunately for my right wing supremacist group, Homeland Security would confirm their own report. Homeland Security plays a role in my novel. But in real life, some of the organizations listed as terrorists have been unkindly singled out. Veterans make up many of these right wing organizations, but their intent is not terrorism. It is an ideology. My group still thinks the South was right to go to war with the North and Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War. They are against big government, and the recent report by Homeland Security brought many of them out of the closet. There will be a lot more stirring among groups like I describe in my novel. The average citizen will begin to see this ideology and I wouldn't be surprised to see another Civil War in my lifetime. This time it will not be a North-South war, but one where the middle class finally decides they are tired of being taxed to the gills, and they will become a militant group. Right behind them will be the organizations who already have structure. More middle class people will be joining these extremist groups.
Barbara: This is a subject to which I could probably devote an entire blog. I'd love to have you come back and discuss this at a later time.:)
12. What is your writing process?
That's hard to put a finger on. I sit down with my characters and talk to them. I put them together in my mind, sometimes I'll put ideas into a special folder on my computer. If, say, one of my characters has a histrionic personality disorder, I try to find other characters in real life and in fiction who match that personality and I watch them grow into their role. One of my characters has this personality disorder, and it is what some psychiatrists say was Scarlett O'Hara's in "Gone With The Wind." I've studied her personality for quite some time, and I am thinking about writing a sequel with the main character being a Scarlett O' Hara type, but maybe with some redeeming qualities.
13. Will you be doing any book signings? Do you have a schedule for our readers?
I am doing local signings right now. My PR person is setting up a regional schedule. I have set up the local ones. A weekly newspaper is doing a full page spread on me this week. It involves an interview much like this one, a review, and a press release along with a value added incentive for those who buy my novel. I am offering an eBook valued at $9.95 of My Metaphysical Musings, newspaper columns I have written on Integral Life the past three years. It is only offered at my website, however. The publisher doesn't know I am doing this, and wouldn't care. You won't be able to get the eBook except at my website. An autograph copy of the book is only available at my website. www.thecryofthecuckoos.com Only those who come to an autograph signing will be able to get a handwritten autograph. and I will be signing books at Arts Night in Northport, Alabama on May 7th. I will also be in Homewood, Alabama on June 13th for an autograph signing. So catch a plane and come on down. You might want to watch out for Homeland Security, however, because if you were at a "Tea Party," chances are you are a terrorist (ha)!
Barbara: Well, I didn't attend any of those "Tea Parties" because my political philosophy is nowhere near that of the people you mentioned. Though I understand how they feel, they are not looking at the facts. Taxes will be going down for the middle class. I think everyone should be concentrating on the credit card companies.:)
Thank you so much for giving us a peek into your life and your writing. Now here is the special treat I mentioned earlier in the week. John is giving away the same e-Book he gives to those who buy his book to the winner of the drawing here. All you need to do to be eligible to win is to leave a question or comment here for John Wayne Cargile. This has been such a great interview I have a lot of questions myself.:)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
How to have good dreams instead of nightmares
This might seem a little silly, but before I go to sleep at night, I pray for my family. That’s not the silly part! That is my first prayer. Then, I pray that as I move from light to dark in my sleep, that my dreams be good dreams.
Ever since I began asking for this affirmation about my dream state, it has always been a good dream. I am thankful God has answered my prayer.
I cannot recall the next morning what the essence of the dream was. All I know it was a good dream, full of positive energy. I haven’t had a negative dream since I began to affirm good dreams in my prayers.
If prayer is an intention that we announce to the universe in order to create a desired outcome, then our every thought is a prayer. This includes thoughts of worry as well as of hope.
All thoughts are subtle creative energy. Some thoughts are more focused or repeated more often, gathering strength. Some are written down or spoken, giving them even greater power. Every thought we have is part of a process whereby we co-create our experience and our reality with the universe.
When we use our creative energy unconsciously, we create what is commonly known as self-fulfilling prophecy. In essence, when we worry, we are repeatedly praying and lending our energy to the creation of something we don’t want.
The good news is that we can retrain our minds and thoughts to focus our energy on what we do desire to bring into our lives. Since most worry is repetitive, it will take more than one positive thought to counteract the energy we’ve created. The simplest antidote to worry is affirmations.
When we hold these positive thoughts, repeat them often, speak them and write them and refer to them throughout our day, we are using focused energy to create positive results.
We can start right away, together:
I am a creative being, using my energy to co-create a wonderful world. I know that I create my experience of life from within, and as I do so, I also create ripples of energy around me that echo into the world. My positive thoughts gather together with the thoughts and prayers of others, and together we create enough positive energy to heal not only our own lives but the world we share. I am grateful for the ability to co-create good in my life and in the world.
A lot of times we have concerned loved ones that worry about us. When this happens they are also sending out a worry prayer to the world. A loving conversation letting them know what is happening is the easiest solution. Also, ask them to send you positive affirmations rather than worry about you.
After all, worry doesn’t do them any good either. Explain to them that worry can actually be energetically harmful to you and that wishing good things for you is much more beneficial and much more fun too.
Everything in the universe is made of energy.
What differentiates one form of energy from another is the speed at which it vibrates. For example, light vibrates at a very high frequency, and something like a rock vibrates at a lower frequency but a frequency nonetheless.
Human beings also vibrate at different frequencies. Our thoughts and feelings can determine the frequency at which we vibrate, and our vibration goes out into the world and attracts to us energy moving at a similar frequency. This is one of the ways that we create our own reality, which is why we can cause a positive shift in our lives by raising our vibration.
We all know someone we think of as vibrant. Vibrant literally means -vibrating very rapidly.
The people who strike us as vibrant are vibrating at a high frequency, and they can inspire us as we work to raise our vibration. On the other hand, we all know people that are very negative or cynical. These people are vibrating at a lower frequency. They can also be an inspiration because they can show us where we don’t want to be vibrating and why.
To discover where you are in terms of vibrancy, consider where you fall on a scale between the most pessimistic person you know and the most vibrant. This is not in order to pass judgment, but rather it is important to know where you are as you begin working to raise your frequency so that you can notice and appreciate your progress.
There are many ways to raise your vibration, from working with affirmations to visualizing enlightened entities during meditation.
One of the most practical ways to raise your vibration is to consciously choose where you focus your attention. To understand how powerful this is, take five minutes to describe something you love unreservedly-a person, a movie, an experience.
When your five minutes are up, you will noticeably feel more positive and even lighter. If you want to keep raising your vibration, you might want to commit to spending five minutes every day focusing on the good in your life. As you do this, you will train yourself to be more awake and alive. Over time, you will experience a permanent shift in your vibrancy.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
Ever since I began asking for this affirmation about my dream state, it has always been a good dream. I am thankful God has answered my prayer.
I cannot recall the next morning what the essence of the dream was. All I know it was a good dream, full of positive energy. I haven’t had a negative dream since I began to affirm good dreams in my prayers.
If prayer is an intention that we announce to the universe in order to create a desired outcome, then our every thought is a prayer. This includes thoughts of worry as well as of hope.
All thoughts are subtle creative energy. Some thoughts are more focused or repeated more often, gathering strength. Some are written down or spoken, giving them even greater power. Every thought we have is part of a process whereby we co-create our experience and our reality with the universe.
When we use our creative energy unconsciously, we create what is commonly known as self-fulfilling prophecy. In essence, when we worry, we are repeatedly praying and lending our energy to the creation of something we don’t want.
The good news is that we can retrain our minds and thoughts to focus our energy on what we do desire to bring into our lives. Since most worry is repetitive, it will take more than one positive thought to counteract the energy we’ve created. The simplest antidote to worry is affirmations.
When we hold these positive thoughts, repeat them often, speak them and write them and refer to them throughout our day, we are using focused energy to create positive results.
We can start right away, together:
I am a creative being, using my energy to co-create a wonderful world. I know that I create my experience of life from within, and as I do so, I also create ripples of energy around me that echo into the world. My positive thoughts gather together with the thoughts and prayers of others, and together we create enough positive energy to heal not only our own lives but the world we share. I am grateful for the ability to co-create good in my life and in the world.
A lot of times we have concerned loved ones that worry about us. When this happens they are also sending out a worry prayer to the world. A loving conversation letting them know what is happening is the easiest solution. Also, ask them to send you positive affirmations rather than worry about you.
After all, worry doesn’t do them any good either. Explain to them that worry can actually be energetically harmful to you and that wishing good things for you is much more beneficial and much more fun too.
Everything in the universe is made of energy.
What differentiates one form of energy from another is the speed at which it vibrates. For example, light vibrates at a very high frequency, and something like a rock vibrates at a lower frequency but a frequency nonetheless.
Human beings also vibrate at different frequencies. Our thoughts and feelings can determine the frequency at which we vibrate, and our vibration goes out into the world and attracts to us energy moving at a similar frequency. This is one of the ways that we create our own reality, which is why we can cause a positive shift in our lives by raising our vibration.
We all know someone we think of as vibrant. Vibrant literally means -vibrating very rapidly.
The people who strike us as vibrant are vibrating at a high frequency, and they can inspire us as we work to raise our vibration. On the other hand, we all know people that are very negative or cynical. These people are vibrating at a lower frequency. They can also be an inspiration because they can show us where we don’t want to be vibrating and why.
To discover where you are in terms of vibrancy, consider where you fall on a scale between the most pessimistic person you know and the most vibrant. This is not in order to pass judgment, but rather it is important to know where you are as you begin working to raise your frequency so that you can notice and appreciate your progress.
There are many ways to raise your vibration, from working with affirmations to visualizing enlightened entities during meditation.
One of the most practical ways to raise your vibration is to consciously choose where you focus your attention. To understand how powerful this is, take five minutes to describe something you love unreservedly-a person, a movie, an experience.
When your five minutes are up, you will noticeably feel more positive and even lighter. If you want to keep raising your vibration, you might want to commit to spending five minutes every day focusing on the good in your life. As you do this, you will train yourself to be more awake and alive. Over time, you will experience a permanent shift in your vibrancy.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Author Signings
I have two author signings scheduled for May and June. I will be at the offices of The Northport Gazette, Northport, Alabama for Arts Night and on June 13th I will be signing books at Little Professor Book Store in Homewood, Alabama from noon-2 p.m. The store is currently carrying my book.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Cry of the Cuckoos Likened to William Faulkner's Writing
Reviewed by Rita Hestand (author)
Sometimes finding the truth opens up a can of worms that can't be disposed of. Retired news reporter Donald Drummond, and his retired teacher wife, Anne, begin to unravel a family mystery that leads to death and intrigue. Trying to discover his father's killers, Donald is whisked into the confidence of the FBI and faced with insurmountable truths.
Donald is forced to deal with his father's underhanded business with the Society of Southern Patriots, and an unmasking of his own identity that he must come to grips with.
After sixty one years, Donald meets his real mother. And his mother is a suspect in his father's death. His father was poisoned. However, as Donald works closely with the authorities, he unravels one bad soap opera after another, how much can one man stand to know about his heritage? And can he live with the knowing?
John Wayne Cargile takes us on a journey that starts with much intrigue and ends with bold characterization of family life sometimes better left unsaid. Even when all is well, it isn't.
What an emotional jaunt Mr. Cargile leads us on, spilling forth with page turner characters and strong plotting that keeps one on the edge of his seat to finish this book. I enjoyed it no end.
Mr. Cargile has my undying admiration for writing a book that has no holes barred. Equal in emotion and plotting to a William Faulkner book, this one is a real keeper and one you won't forget for some time! Thanks for the enjoyable read.....
Sometimes finding the truth opens up a can of worms that can't be disposed of. Retired news reporter Donald Drummond, and his retired teacher wife, Anne, begin to unravel a family mystery that leads to death and intrigue. Trying to discover his father's killers, Donald is whisked into the confidence of the FBI and faced with insurmountable truths.
Donald is forced to deal with his father's underhanded business with the Society of Southern Patriots, and an unmasking of his own identity that he must come to grips with.
After sixty one years, Donald meets his real mother. And his mother is a suspect in his father's death. His father was poisoned. However, as Donald works closely with the authorities, he unravels one bad soap opera after another, how much can one man stand to know about his heritage? And can he live with the knowing?
John Wayne Cargile takes us on a journey that starts with much intrigue and ends with bold characterization of family life sometimes better left unsaid. Even when all is well, it isn't.
What an emotional jaunt Mr. Cargile leads us on, spilling forth with page turner characters and strong plotting that keeps one on the edge of his seat to finish this book. I enjoyed it no end.
Mr. Cargile has my undying admiration for writing a book that has no holes barred. Equal in emotion and plotting to a William Faulkner book, this one is a real keeper and one you won't forget for some time! Thanks for the enjoyable read.....
Sunday, April 12, 2009
There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child
It’s time to make a quick assessment of children today. It’s Spring Break for some of us this week. I celebrated my second year as a special needs school bus driver this month. The kids on the bus range in age from three to 20. Each of them have a special need but, then, all of us do.
With a 23-year-old son living back home, and a three-year-old granddaughter now living with us, it makes life interesting for my wife and me. Both of us are in our 60’s. We hold no regrets. I think it makes us younger.
I heard this from my parents when growing up and now I can appreciate what they were talking about: “I don’t understand children these days.”
The age gap has thrown me out of sync. My wife and I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s. Our parents didn’t have a lot of money, neither do we now even though what we earn in a year is a lot more than they made in four years. But they always wanted more for their children than they had growing up.
The children of the 21st century are growing up way too fast. Most kids don’t read like we did. Their music is so much different. I can’t get into some of the new music and I hear it from some of my students some times on the bus. They bring their head phones with CDs, iPods, MP3 players and although they are asked to listen only to themselves I some times can hear it in the background.
They understand computers better than us old folk, although I am getting pretty adept at using one. They’d rather see or hear things on television or view the Internet and locate their friends to Instant Message than read a good book.
Believe me; if I thought my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, had a market among young students, I would be blazing a path to their door. But reading is not like it once was. That’s why newspapers and magazines are going bankrupt everyday. Reading is now considered only for nerds. I can’t get my son to read my novel. He said he will read it one day. Blah! Blah! Blah!
I guess we are guilty of spoiling our kids too much. I know our family is guilty of it. But, how can you not?
I wanted my son to have the best: schooling, clothes, athletic gear, tennis shoes and car when he turned 16. Giving him a car at 16 was not a good move on our part. But, we wanted him to be with the ‘in crowd’. I guess I could have made him read more.
Now that our granddaughter is with us, we are doing the exact same thing – spoiling again. But, how can you not?
As parents and grandparents we are moved by instinct to love, nurture, and provide for our offspring. Because our children are so much a part of us, we want to see them blissfully happy.
Also, our own desire to be liked, materialist pressures, and a fervent wish that our children have everything we lacked as youngsters can prompt us to spoil them.
However, while it might seem that buying your child expensive gifts will give them fond memories of childhood or that you can heal your emotional wounds by doting on your sons, daughters and grandchildren, you may be unconsciously interfering with your child’s evolutional development.
One of the most precious gifts you can grant your children is the true independence they gain when they learn to earn what they covet and become stewards of their own happiness. We have done this with our son, and he is making the most of it. We are proud he is finding his way in this life.
Try allowing your children to experience life to the fullest. Let them work and earn what they want. When the time comes for them to go to college and enter the workforce, you will have the confidence that you have raised a child that can both enter and contribute to society confidently.
When children are not afforded the opportunity to explore self-reliance, to understand that with possession comes a price, and to fulfill their own needs, they develop a sense of entitlement that blinds them to the necessity of hard work and the needs of others.
We may spoil children because giving them gifts is pleasurable. Or we may want to avoid conflict out of fear that our children won’t love us.
Yet children who are given acceptance, love, and affection in abundance are often kinder, more charitable, and more responsible than those whose parents accede to their every material demand. They develop a strong sense of self that stretches beyond possessions and the approval of their peers, and as adults they understand that each individual is responsible for building the life they desire.
If you find yourself giving in to your child’s every whim, ask yourself why. You may discover that you are trying to answer for what you feel is lacking in your own life.
Rearing your children to respect the value of money and self-sufficiency as they grow from infants to young adults is a challenging but rewarding process.
It can be difficult to watch a child struggle to meet a personal goal yet wonderful to be by their side as they achieve it. Your choice not to spoil your children will bless you with more opportunities to show them understanding and compassion and to be fully present with them as they journey toward adulthood.
So, to sum it all up; every child has special needs, some more than others. I’ve come to appreciate those whose needs are greater. He is the little fellow in the wheel chair who can’t walk or talk. He/she is the autistic child we never had. He/she is the slow learner or mentally challenged.
We’re thankful for those parents who have a special needs child. If we walked in your shoes, we wouldn’t be worried about whether he/she could read or not. We’d be praying that he/she could walk or talk. You’re the true caregivers of these special needs children. You love your children just the way they are although you wish they were normal kids.
There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child, in my book.
With a 23-year-old son living back home, and a three-year-old granddaughter now living with us, it makes life interesting for my wife and me. Both of us are in our 60’s. We hold no regrets. I think it makes us younger.
I heard this from my parents when growing up and now I can appreciate what they were talking about: “I don’t understand children these days.”
The age gap has thrown me out of sync. My wife and I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s. Our parents didn’t have a lot of money, neither do we now even though what we earn in a year is a lot more than they made in four years. But they always wanted more for their children than they had growing up.
The children of the 21st century are growing up way too fast. Most kids don’t read like we did. Their music is so much different. I can’t get into some of the new music and I hear it from some of my students some times on the bus. They bring their head phones with CDs, iPods, MP3 players and although they are asked to listen only to themselves I some times can hear it in the background.
They understand computers better than us old folk, although I am getting pretty adept at using one. They’d rather see or hear things on television or view the Internet and locate their friends to Instant Message than read a good book.
Believe me; if I thought my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos, had a market among young students, I would be blazing a path to their door. But reading is not like it once was. That’s why newspapers and magazines are going bankrupt everyday. Reading is now considered only for nerds. I can’t get my son to read my novel. He said he will read it one day. Blah! Blah! Blah!
I guess we are guilty of spoiling our kids too much. I know our family is guilty of it. But, how can you not?
I wanted my son to have the best: schooling, clothes, athletic gear, tennis shoes and car when he turned 16. Giving him a car at 16 was not a good move on our part. But, we wanted him to be with the ‘in crowd’. I guess I could have made him read more.
Now that our granddaughter is with us, we are doing the exact same thing – spoiling again. But, how can you not?
As parents and grandparents we are moved by instinct to love, nurture, and provide for our offspring. Because our children are so much a part of us, we want to see them blissfully happy.
Also, our own desire to be liked, materialist pressures, and a fervent wish that our children have everything we lacked as youngsters can prompt us to spoil them.
However, while it might seem that buying your child expensive gifts will give them fond memories of childhood or that you can heal your emotional wounds by doting on your sons, daughters and grandchildren, you may be unconsciously interfering with your child’s evolutional development.
One of the most precious gifts you can grant your children is the true independence they gain when they learn to earn what they covet and become stewards of their own happiness. We have done this with our son, and he is making the most of it. We are proud he is finding his way in this life.
Try allowing your children to experience life to the fullest. Let them work and earn what they want. When the time comes for them to go to college and enter the workforce, you will have the confidence that you have raised a child that can both enter and contribute to society confidently.
When children are not afforded the opportunity to explore self-reliance, to understand that with possession comes a price, and to fulfill their own needs, they develop a sense of entitlement that blinds them to the necessity of hard work and the needs of others.
We may spoil children because giving them gifts is pleasurable. Or we may want to avoid conflict out of fear that our children won’t love us.
Yet children who are given acceptance, love, and affection in abundance are often kinder, more charitable, and more responsible than those whose parents accede to their every material demand. They develop a strong sense of self that stretches beyond possessions and the approval of their peers, and as adults they understand that each individual is responsible for building the life they desire.
If you find yourself giving in to your child’s every whim, ask yourself why. You may discover that you are trying to answer for what you feel is lacking in your own life.
Rearing your children to respect the value of money and self-sufficiency as they grow from infants to young adults is a challenging but rewarding process.
It can be difficult to watch a child struggle to meet a personal goal yet wonderful to be by their side as they achieve it. Your choice not to spoil your children will bless you with more opportunities to show them understanding and compassion and to be fully present with them as they journey toward adulthood.
So, to sum it all up; every child has special needs, some more than others. I’ve come to appreciate those whose needs are greater. He is the little fellow in the wheel chair who can’t walk or talk. He/she is the autistic child we never had. He/she is the slow learner or mentally challenged.
We’re thankful for those parents who have a special needs child. If we walked in your shoes, we wouldn’t be worried about whether he/she could read or not. We’d be praying that he/she could walk or talk. You’re the true caregivers of these special needs children. You love your children just the way they are although you wish they were normal kids.
There is no such thing as a “normal” person or child, in my book.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A real life cuckoo atones for his past and asks forgiveness
I read with curiosity a story in The Baltimore Sun last Sunday morning about a man who has deep regrets about his racists’ past.
His life and character would easily fit into my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. The theme of my novel is deceit and forgiveness and that’s what Elwin Hope Wilson of South Carolina has been doing as he struggles with his own mortality. He has repented for his past sins and asked for forgiveness from the people – blacks – he has harmed in one way or another most of his life.
Now that he is 72-years-old, ill with diabetes, his eyes degenerating, Wilson wants to atone for his misgivings.
“The former Ku Klux Klan supporter says he wants to atone for the cross burnings on Hollis Lake Road. He wants to apologize for hanging a black doll in a noose at the end of his drive, for flinging cantaloupes at black men walking down Main Street, for hurling a jack handle at the black kid jiggling the soda machine in his father's service station, for brutally beating a 21-year-old seminary student at the bus station in 1961,” the newspaper reported.
Sound familiar?
Wilson is a clock collector, and his life has been ticking away with the burden of racism for many years. Among his collections in his home is a cuckoo clock. I was mesmerized by the story because the characters in my book could have been Mr. Wilson.
In the final chapter of his life, Wilson is seeking forgiveness. The burly clock collector wants to be saved before he hears his last chime.
And so Wilson has spent recent months apologizing to "the people I had trouble with." “He has embraced black men his own age, at the same lunch counter where once they were denied service and hauled off to jail as mobs of white youths, Wilson among them, threw insults and eggs and fists.
”Wilson has carried his apology into black churches where he has unburdened it in prayer.
”And he has taken it to Washington, to the office of Congressman John Lewis of Atlanta, the civil rights leader whose face Wilson smashed at the Greyhound bus station during the famed Freedom Rides 48 years ago.
”The apologies have won headlines and praise. Letters have poured in, lauding Wilson's courage. Strangers, black and white, have hailed him as a hero.
”But Wilson doesn't feel like a hero. He feels confused. He cannot fully answer the lingering questions, the doubts. Where did all the hate come from? And where did it go?
And the question he gets asked most often: Why now?
"All I can say is that it has bothered me for years, all the bad stuff I've done," Wilson said. "And I found out there is no way I could be saved and get to heaven and still not like blacks."
”If you do get to heaven, his wife pointed out, they're going to be there with you.”
Mr. Wilson has found a secret ingredient to his life now. His regrets and weight of the past has given him the freedom to be a real person.
There is a lesson in his story.
Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This attachment can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. We know that something new and beautiful can grow in its place if we only prepare the soil and plant the right seeds.
We also know that we create our lives from our thoughts, so dwelling on the past may actually recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make the choice again and again. We can choose to move on right now by applying what we have learned to the present and perhaps even sharing with others, transforming the energy into something that is constructive and creative for ourselves and others.
Forgiveness is the soothing balm that can heal regret. In meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue with the self of our past and offering our forgiveness for the choice. In return, we can ask for our selves’ forgiveness for keeping them locked in that space of judgment for so long.
We may also want to ask forgiveness from anyone else who may have been affected and perhaps offer our forgiveness. By replaying the event in our minds, we can choose a new ending using all that we now know.
Imagine that you have actually gone back into the past and made this change, and then say goodbye to it. Release your former self with a hug and bring the forgiveness and love back with you to the present. Since we are usually our harshest critics, it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer ourselves love.
Keeping our minds and our energy fully in the present allows us to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well-being today. This action frees our energy to create the dreams we dream for the future. By taking responsibility and action in the present, we can release our hold on the past.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
His life and character would easily fit into my new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos. The theme of my novel is deceit and forgiveness and that’s what Elwin Hope Wilson of South Carolina has been doing as he struggles with his own mortality. He has repented for his past sins and asked for forgiveness from the people – blacks – he has harmed in one way or another most of his life.
Now that he is 72-years-old, ill with diabetes, his eyes degenerating, Wilson wants to atone for his misgivings.
“The former Ku Klux Klan supporter says he wants to atone for the cross burnings on Hollis Lake Road. He wants to apologize for hanging a black doll in a noose at the end of his drive, for flinging cantaloupes at black men walking down Main Street, for hurling a jack handle at the black kid jiggling the soda machine in his father's service station, for brutally beating a 21-year-old seminary student at the bus station in 1961,” the newspaper reported.
Sound familiar?
Wilson is a clock collector, and his life has been ticking away with the burden of racism for many years. Among his collections in his home is a cuckoo clock. I was mesmerized by the story because the characters in my book could have been Mr. Wilson.
In the final chapter of his life, Wilson is seeking forgiveness. The burly clock collector wants to be saved before he hears his last chime.
And so Wilson has spent recent months apologizing to "the people I had trouble with." “He has embraced black men his own age, at the same lunch counter where once they were denied service and hauled off to jail as mobs of white youths, Wilson among them, threw insults and eggs and fists.
”Wilson has carried his apology into black churches where he has unburdened it in prayer.
”And he has taken it to Washington, to the office of Congressman John Lewis of Atlanta, the civil rights leader whose face Wilson smashed at the Greyhound bus station during the famed Freedom Rides 48 years ago.
”The apologies have won headlines and praise. Letters have poured in, lauding Wilson's courage. Strangers, black and white, have hailed him as a hero.
”But Wilson doesn't feel like a hero. He feels confused. He cannot fully answer the lingering questions, the doubts. Where did all the hate come from? And where did it go?
And the question he gets asked most often: Why now?
"All I can say is that it has bothered me for years, all the bad stuff I've done," Wilson said. "And I found out there is no way I could be saved and get to heaven and still not like blacks."
”If you do get to heaven, his wife pointed out, they're going to be there with you.”
Mr. Wilson has found a secret ingredient to his life now. His regrets and weight of the past has given him the freedom to be a real person.
There is a lesson in his story.
Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This attachment can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. We know that something new and beautiful can grow in its place if we only prepare the soil and plant the right seeds.
We also know that we create our lives from our thoughts, so dwelling on the past may actually recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make the choice again and again. We can choose to move on right now by applying what we have learned to the present and perhaps even sharing with others, transforming the energy into something that is constructive and creative for ourselves and others.
Forgiveness is the soothing balm that can heal regret. In meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue with the self of our past and offering our forgiveness for the choice. In return, we can ask for our selves’ forgiveness for keeping them locked in that space of judgment for so long.
We may also want to ask forgiveness from anyone else who may have been affected and perhaps offer our forgiveness. By replaying the event in our minds, we can choose a new ending using all that we now know.
Imagine that you have actually gone back into the past and made this change, and then say goodbye to it. Release your former self with a hug and bring the forgiveness and love back with you to the present. Since we are usually our harshest critics, it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer ourselves love.
Keeping our minds and our energy fully in the present allows us to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well-being today. This action frees our energy to create the dreams we dream for the future. By taking responsibility and action in the present, we can release our hold on the past.
John W. Cargile, Msc.D, D.D. is a licensed pastoral psychology counselor. He is a member of the National Educational Association and Alabama Educational Association. He is the author of a new novel, The Cry of the Cuckoos www.thecryofthecuckoos.com You can contact him at jwcargile@charter.net. All conversations are confidential.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Interview From A Writers Group
This is an interview conducted by Joan Baratta. Thanks for asking, and I hope it helps other writers.
1)You’ve spent 40 years working for others, when did the idea for the book surface?
I have known since I was a university student that when I retired I would write novels. That has been my goal most of my life. I began as a journalist in the 60's and 70's, then opened a publishing company in the 1980's in Birmingham, Alabama. I was a printer for companies needing printing, but I also produced two slick magazines. I became a managing editor for a publishing company in Tuscaloosa, Alabama in the late 80's before creating my own company, Creative Services, in 1990. The company was designed for my work. I was publisher for a number of magazines, edited freelance work sent for publication, and sold advertising. I calculated my career in writing and publishing beginning in the 60's. The book, The Cry of the Cuckoos, surfaced only three years ago.
2)How long did it take you to write the book?
I've had the book in my mind for a long time. My biological mother who lived in Texas was divorced from my father in 1946. She was forced to give up custody when I was 1 1/2. Before she died, we spent hours on Instant Messenger talking about her life and mine. I have over 200 pages of conversations between the two of us. I began writing the book in 2007, but it was an historical romance novel with the setting in Texas between a soldier and a female civilian who meet at a dance hall in west Texas. But, after my mother's death, everything changed. I decided I wanted to write something contemporary and upbeat. I didn't know at the beginning it would be a mystery novel. When I began the story it just unfolded like I didn't have control of it. I completed this version of the book within six months, but the foundation was laid long before. I talk about being in the zone below.
3)How many revisions did you go through? Are there any ideas you would like to share to those aspiring authors about the process of revision?
Revise, Revise. Revise. This is very important. I believe I cut out nearly 8,000 words before I felt the story had been told. A professional editor is essential, and I hired one to set me on the right tracks. She didn't have much to edit, but it gave me a sense of my unique voice in writing. I cannot tell you how long I spent reading and re-reading the story. In fact, now, I don't want to read it again, but I probably will. I am writing its sequel.
4) Share with others your thoughts on social networking, Twittering, Facebook, Blogging, building a website to promote your novel.
I didn't know much about using social networking until I got into the marketing stage of the book. Now I am all over the Internet. I've joined so many writer's groups, I forget sometimes what group is what. I'm on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and Gather.com. I was only last week named as an administrator at Red River Writers on Facebook. I built my own website, which is not eloquent, but it gets the job done. I created a book trailer, which I thought was impossible. It is adequate, but I didn't have to pay a professional to create it. I created a blog for the novel, and offered readers an opportunity to read the first chapter to get some reaction. I learned long ago as a journalist that if you don't capture your audience within the first three paragraphs, you most likely will lose them right there. They will put the book down. I received a great review before the book was published, and it is on one of the first pages after the dedication page, which was to my late mother and step-mother who actually raised me. Both of them are characters in the book, but with distorted and flawed characters that neither had.
5) Do you belong to a writers group? If not what are thoughts on belonging to a writers group?
Writer's groups are great, however, you take what advice they give you some times with a grain of salt. Everyone has a sense of how a book should read, and readers have odd tastes. I belonged to a critique group and became very frustrated. I learned from my publisher that you can have 10 editors sitting and reading your script and you will have 13 interpretations. It got to be too much, so I left the critique group.
6) Any general thoughts you have on the subject of writing?
There is writing, then there is writing. I've seen a lot of people blogging and to them that is writing. Journaling is writing. But not the type of writing a publisher is looking for. I could write a lot of deep, thought provoking pieces on the subject of metaphysics. Would it sell? Probably not. I decided to become a commercial writer. If it is worth writing, I wanted to make money for my efforts. One of the best books for commercial writers is "Techniques of the Selling Writer," by Dwight Swain, published by the University of Oklahoma Press. I hold a doctorate degree in metaphysics, and some of the thoughts and conversations in most of my writings deal with metaphysics in some facet.
7) What you would like to share about your novel, the process of writing?
Getting into the zone. People have heard that athletes get into the zone and are able to do things they didn't think was possible. I hardly ever get writer's block because I have trained my brain through the art of meditation to toss away things you don't need. You place them in the recycle bin. Use only what is necessary. My novel has been reviewed and the reviewer, I thought, said it best. He said my writing was crisp, direct and engaging. You won't find flowery words flowing constantly off the pages of my book, You'll find engaging conversation between characters. Actually, the dialogue between characters tell the story for you. You let your characters dictate what will happen next. You won't be far off if you let the characters take over your story.
As an Alabamian, and a southerner, I find our state has very few resources for the aspiring author; do you have any thoughts on the subject?
You mentioned the state of Alabama doesn't have resources for writers. I don't understand. We have the same resources as any writer on the globe. The South has produced some great writers, including Alabama. It doesn't matter where you live to become a writer. You can aspire to write, but a writer needs to write. He is an eccentric in most cases, and a loner. He wants his place on Earth to be marked when he passes on to the other side. Here stands old Joe, who was an author. God Bless His Soul. He has left someone, somewhere a legacy in his own words. He might not be famous or on the New York Times Bestseller list, but he had to write his stories. He didn't aspire to write. He had to write from a psychological and philosophical point of view. These type writers write from the soul.
I’d like to thank John for taking the time out of his busy writing schedule for this interview and to say too everyone out there reading this, go buy his book.
Happy Writing!
Joan Baratta at A Writers Group
1)You’ve spent 40 years working for others, when did the idea for the book surface?
I have known since I was a university student that when I retired I would write novels. That has been my goal most of my life. I began as a journalist in the 60's and 70's, then opened a publishing company in the 1980's in Birmingham, Alabama. I was a printer for companies needing printing, but I also produced two slick magazines. I became a managing editor for a publishing company in Tuscaloosa, Alabama in the late 80's before creating my own company, Creative Services, in 1990. The company was designed for my work. I was publisher for a number of magazines, edited freelance work sent for publication, and sold advertising. I calculated my career in writing and publishing beginning in the 60's. The book, The Cry of the Cuckoos, surfaced only three years ago.
2)How long did it take you to write the book?
I've had the book in my mind for a long time. My biological mother who lived in Texas was divorced from my father in 1946. She was forced to give up custody when I was 1 1/2. Before she died, we spent hours on Instant Messenger talking about her life and mine. I have over 200 pages of conversations between the two of us. I began writing the book in 2007, but it was an historical romance novel with the setting in Texas between a soldier and a female civilian who meet at a dance hall in west Texas. But, after my mother's death, everything changed. I decided I wanted to write something contemporary and upbeat. I didn't know at the beginning it would be a mystery novel. When I began the story it just unfolded like I didn't have control of it. I completed this version of the book within six months, but the foundation was laid long before. I talk about being in the zone below.
3)How many revisions did you go through? Are there any ideas you would like to share to those aspiring authors about the process of revision?
Revise, Revise. Revise. This is very important. I believe I cut out nearly 8,000 words before I felt the story had been told. A professional editor is essential, and I hired one to set me on the right tracks. She didn't have much to edit, but it gave me a sense of my unique voice in writing. I cannot tell you how long I spent reading and re-reading the story. In fact, now, I don't want to read it again, but I probably will. I am writing its sequel.
4) Share with others your thoughts on social networking, Twittering, Facebook, Blogging, building a website to promote your novel.
I didn't know much about using social networking until I got into the marketing stage of the book. Now I am all over the Internet. I've joined so many writer's groups, I forget sometimes what group is what. I'm on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and Gather.com. I was only last week named as an administrator at Red River Writers on Facebook. I built my own website, which is not eloquent, but it gets the job done. I created a book trailer, which I thought was impossible. It is adequate, but I didn't have to pay a professional to create it. I created a blog for the novel, and offered readers an opportunity to read the first chapter to get some reaction. I learned long ago as a journalist that if you don't capture your audience within the first three paragraphs, you most likely will lose them right there. They will put the book down. I received a great review before the book was published, and it is on one of the first pages after the dedication page, which was to my late mother and step-mother who actually raised me. Both of them are characters in the book, but with distorted and flawed characters that neither had.
5) Do you belong to a writers group? If not what are thoughts on belonging to a writers group?
Writer's groups are great, however, you take what advice they give you some times with a grain of salt. Everyone has a sense of how a book should read, and readers have odd tastes. I belonged to a critique group and became very frustrated. I learned from my publisher that you can have 10 editors sitting and reading your script and you will have 13 interpretations. It got to be too much, so I left the critique group.
6) Any general thoughts you have on the subject of writing?
There is writing, then there is writing. I've seen a lot of people blogging and to them that is writing. Journaling is writing. But not the type of writing a publisher is looking for. I could write a lot of deep, thought provoking pieces on the subject of metaphysics. Would it sell? Probably not. I decided to become a commercial writer. If it is worth writing, I wanted to make money for my efforts. One of the best books for commercial writers is "Techniques of the Selling Writer," by Dwight Swain, published by the University of Oklahoma Press. I hold a doctorate degree in metaphysics, and some of the thoughts and conversations in most of my writings deal with metaphysics in some facet.
7) What you would like to share about your novel, the process of writing?
Getting into the zone. People have heard that athletes get into the zone and are able to do things they didn't think was possible. I hardly ever get writer's block because I have trained my brain through the art of meditation to toss away things you don't need. You place them in the recycle bin. Use only what is necessary. My novel has been reviewed and the reviewer, I thought, said it best. He said my writing was crisp, direct and engaging. You won't find flowery words flowing constantly off the pages of my book, You'll find engaging conversation between characters. Actually, the dialogue between characters tell the story for you. You let your characters dictate what will happen next. You won't be far off if you let the characters take over your story.
As an Alabamian, and a southerner, I find our state has very few resources for the aspiring author; do you have any thoughts on the subject?
You mentioned the state of Alabama doesn't have resources for writers. I don't understand. We have the same resources as any writer on the globe. The South has produced some great writers, including Alabama. It doesn't matter where you live to become a writer. You can aspire to write, but a writer needs to write. He is an eccentric in most cases, and a loner. He wants his place on Earth to be marked when he passes on to the other side. Here stands old Joe, who was an author. God Bless His Soul. He has left someone, somewhere a legacy in his own words. He might not be famous or on the New York Times Bestseller list, but he had to write his stories. He didn't aspire to write. He had to write from a psychological and philosophical point of view. These type writers write from the soul.
I’d like to thank John for taking the time out of his busy writing schedule for this interview and to say too everyone out there reading this, go buy his book.
Happy Writing!
Joan Baratta at A Writers Group
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